Friendship problem

[janetsflower]

My child has Aspergers Syndrome and has difficulty in making friends. He is very na�ve about what is socially acceptable etc. Anyway some of the "friends" he does have at school are encouraging him to be nasty to some other children. He is going along with what they tell him/dare him to do because he thinks this will make him more popular. My child then gets into lots of trouble and takes full responsibility for his actions. I have tried explaining that they are not really his friends if they are leading him into trouble. He won't always volunteer that he was put up to it by others when he gets into trouble and if he does the teachers just think he is trying to get out of it. What suggestions do you have for how I deal with this?? He is 11 but as I mentioned quite socially naive

[tigerthecat]

check out the Carol Gray/Grey website. Does your Lea not have a support service for your son? People who have asd are visual learners and this type of situation responds well to the comic strip conversations that Carol has developed over the last 20 years or so. The teachers knowledge of your sons condition sounds typical and they would benefit from some training. Does anyone in his school have any training on asd?

[noxlumos]

Ask his teacher/ teachers if they would have the courtesy to make an effort and learn about Aspergers etc as they clearly have no idea and can't be bothered which is typical.Once his teaching staff are up to speed on things then they should be able to monitor the children in question rather better. Depending on the other kids parents you might be able to explain things to them and they may be able to have a word although I appreciate that this may not be very likely. Is there a very sensible nice child there that could maybe "buddy" your son and keep an eye out for potential trouble for him. A friend of ours son has Aspergers and what you are describing is all too common and she managed to find a buddy for her son who was able to steer situations such as you describe away from him. It's a very hard thing to try to tackle but I really do wish you luck.

[Jules001]

if your son has a LSA, talk to the school and see if she can go out into the playground at break times and encourage interactive play, she could also keep an eye on some of the 'friends' too. At the school I worked at we used to hold small social awareness groups where we could act out a scenario and let the children decide what they thought was the correct response/interaction and then correct them if they got it 'wrong' as this was in small groups with invited classmates, it helped with their social integration.

[janetsflower]

Thank you for your replies. He doesn't have a LSA but does have in place a scheme called Circle of Friends but this seems to have identified him to everyone as being a bit different rather than helping the situation. Also the "friends" seem to use it as a way to point out all the negatives and i don't feel they are being lead in a positive enough way. A single buddie would be good but don't know how to go about finding one, I don't know any of the other parents since he doesn't have any firends. Its a tough one i know

[applebee]

Wow, I really feel for you, I know its gotta be hard to sit back and watch this happen and not feel like YOU can always be there to help him be his best. I don't know whats wrong with the teachers...i would think a bit of knowledge and compassion would allow them to analyze the situation a bit more honestly and fairly. Perhaps they need YOU to educate them in the knowledge they are lacking about your son...cause I'm sure no one understands the situation quite like you. Take Care :)

[levis501]

my doughter is 8yearsold has and also has asp she is the child from hell she is a bully to all the kids in her class she is a danger to herself and to others we tried to take her out of school as a lot of other mums were complaining about her but the head teacher (very nice lady)told us to keep her in the school in the end she got a second teacher in the classroom just for her as she canot be trusted for one single second my doughter is the oppisite from your son she has no friends at all (in school or were we live) she never get invited to anyones birthday or things like that it is a shame she dosent no fact from fiction she thinks everyone is her friend she has no fear of danger at all (if someone said come and see my puppys she would go)anyway i hope this helps you out and just to let you know your not alone i know what your going through