Do You Ever Think You've Failed As A Parent?

[nailit]

??

[nailit]

If nothing else Sqad, I appreciate ur honesty and opinion. Thanks. You may not be wrong.

[nailit]

Pix, I don't mean this in a nasty way, but somehow I don't think that Sqad understands 'guilt'

[johnny.5]

NO !

[nailit]

Sqad has said himself that he has no understanding of mental/emotional/psychiatric problems.
Ive no doubt that hes a good GP re: physical issues but (by his own admission) lousy at other issues

[pixie374]

No, I know, nailit- it's why I pointed it out. No criticism either- i just can't see you relaxing once they have "gone". Is your son willing to speak to anyone... if anyone can be found? Or is he happy with how things are? Xx

[Sqad]

"Sqad has said himself that he has no understanding of mental/emotional/psychiatric problems. "

nailit....not true. I have said that psychiatry is not my area of expertise, that doesn't necessarily mean that I am clueless.

[nailit]

In that case Sqad please accept my apologies.
Pix, he was given an obligatory pamphlet with mental health helplines on it, about as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike. Rang them myself the next day and might as well as spoken to the speaking clock. But Ive had previous experience of these 'helplines' so knew what to expect anyway.

[Sqad]

LOL....accepted.

[nailit]

Seems a bit quieter now that they have quaffed 4 litres of Frosty Jacks between them and retired to their bedroom, fingers crossed...
Might get SOME sleep tonight.

[NoMercy]

Nailit, I haven't coped at all. I have on occasion drank myself into oblivion, self-harmed, abused others, starved myself, withdrawn completely, smashed objects ... I could go on. There were moments where I was so filled with anger I couldn't peel and slice a carrot without scaring myself and others.

I repressed my memories from childhood and began to have flashbacks in my early twenties. When I had a breast cancer scare Xmas 2015/16 and my mother consciously walked out of my life to avoid taking that journey with me, somehow old wounds were ripped open and my memories, feelings and anger rose to the ford. IBS burst into my life, I suffered an ectopic pregnancy and my beloved dog died within weeks and my mental health spiralled out of control.

Please don't think I've come through my life unscathed because nothing could be further from the truth. I'm a haunted soul.

Don't beat yourself up, Nailit. You were the best parent you could be at the time.

[nailit]

Sqad, didn't mean to 'diss' you in any way. You have been a great help over the years to me. Just that you HAVE said on occasion that ur not really into 'psych' stuff!

[pixie374]

Well said, nom xx and wishing you all the best too xx

[Mamyalynne]

NoM, scars like yours never totally heal and yes all we can ever do is our best.

[nailit]

NoM
Bloody hell, Ive read a lot of ur posts over the years that somehow alluded to ur own personal issues but I think that is the first place that Ive read it all in the same place.
Just want to thank you for your honesty and openess,
Thank you NoM.

[ummmm]

No...never. Even in the hard times I've tried my hardest. I have 3 well balanced, hard working kids.

It wasn't all plain sailing though.

You're doing yourself a disservice, Nailit, life for most people is always going to hit stumbling blocks and we all deal with things differently. Talk and then talk some more, people need to understand and they can't do that unless you tell them. Tell him how you feel, tell him your fears and worries and keep telling him until it sinks in.

[waterboatman]

No. All one can do is the best one can with what life throws at you. Do your best to protect your children until they can look after themselves.

[david small]

Not at all. My wife and I raised four well balanced kids into adulthood. We had hard times, as we all do. We adapted to circumstance, as having little choice. We loved and worried about our kids and always will. My wife’s childhood was appalling. Mine was a slum existence, but we had love and laughter. Nails, I think sqad is right, kick them out, come what may. Tough love. The alternative is endless repetition, and a breakdown for yourself. Removing his crutch, you, may make him shape up.