Manipulative, or a cry for help?

[daftpixie]

Heres a scenario... 16 year old male, history of drug abuse and criminal activity, difficulty with communicating feelings, and uses drugs ranging from dope to anphetamines as means of escapism.

On the eve of a damming article being posted about him regarding him being the first in a small village to get an ASBO, he takes a handful of his disabled mothers Dihydracodine.

An hour later, he begins to have breathing difficultys, his skin turns bright red, and starts to become woozy. He calls his friend and tells him what he's done. On the advice of his friend he calls NHS direct, who dispatches an ambulance, and then takes the phone to his Mother so the nurse can speak to her.

Whilst in hospital, he rips out his canula and leaves the hospital, only to be brought back, handcuffed, in an ambulance.

His father feels his son is a manipulative b***ard, the doctor agrees with the manipulative part.

What do you think?

[dot.hawkes]

he has been consistently let down throughout his short life by parents, schools and the health professionals, but by creating a stigma of drug abuse and criminal activity, they are all off the hook.

[daftpixie]

It does let them off the hook doesnt it? If the young person is bad/ evil/ druggy, then its the young persons fault isnt it? My Grandmother used to say, it takes a community to raise a child.

[dot.hawkes]

It certainly does, we are not born to be natural good parents, that is a myth.

[noxlumos]

Well if he is anything like I was at his age then both is true.I was drink and drug dependant, violent and a total w****r at a similar age and not a nice person to know in any shape or form.Dot is right he's been let down badly somewhere along the line and as a child who because he's a child needing affection he's learned to manipulate to get attention which is the nearest thing.He needs help ahead of critisism and to see he has a future although how in any one case you'd go about that I dont know not knowing all of the details,but he does need help and support to stop hating himself which will be the root cause of his problems if he was anything like me.

[daftpixie]

Do you think he meant it? My experience of young people and suicide is that they have been very overt about when they didnt truly want to take their life, ie made threats, taken tablets in front of you, made sure you knew what they were doing etc. With this case he left it a while, but did phone someone. Perhaps he panicked when the symptons kicked in, maybe he is very clever and knew that an ambulance would get to him in time. His Father seems to think the latter, that it was engineered, not a cry for a help, but a calculated manipulation.

[noxlumos]

I think a cry for help is way more likely tbh. He neds help and support otherwise this will get a whole lot worse for him and his family I'd imagine.

[dot.hawkes]

potentially this child is suffering from a mild autism anyway, and under stress or threat of change and disruption he would behave irrationally and without plan or thought.

[daftpixie]

Irony is, his Father is an educational psychologist, his Mother an ex Social Worker, and his sister a youth offending worker.

[dot.hawkes]

which means his parents have had emotionally demanding careers and spent alot of their lives probably devoting their time to that and his sister's career and he feels neglected, but doesn't know it. he has to be pittied for the failings of those who should have seen it, but sometimes you don't see what is under your nose.

[daftpixie]

There is a definate frustration in him that his Mother makes it all about her, she hasnt worked in years as is now disabled and suffering from depression, so when he is in trouble, it becomes more about her than him. His sister is by no means a high flyer, but is percieved as the good one, although a tearaway when younger, her previous crimes have been forgiven as they pale into insignificance compared to that of her brothers. This young man, on a good day, is funny, kind, savvy, loyal to his friends. But can provoke phenominal adverse reactions from the people around him.

Where do you draw the line though? He has to take some responsibilty himself, if you could see where he lived, he has wanted for nothing, is totally loved by his mother and sister, and has been supported all the way. His parents have tried the tough love approach, the positive re-enforcement approach (in that they only focus on the good things he does and down play the bad) and the leave him to his own devices approach. None of which seem to work.

Personally, there are times when I see him as manipulative and hard faced, then he bowls me over with something that shows underlying strength of character and a lovely personality but emotional difficulties.

[dot.hawkes]

but the parents have come to their senses too late and cannot make up for what they let the child miss out on when they were focusing on their great careers and wonderful lifestyle, which will mean fekk all to them if he ever does succeed in taking his own life, it will be too late then to have regrets and inquests and counselling.

[dot.hawkes]

Best thing for that lad is to get him away from them and into a world that doesn't know him and would see him for the person he is inside, he could get help in this if he went to the right agency, someone needs to think in a positive way for his future and his sanity.

[daftpixie]

This is true of the Father I think, but not the Mother. In fact, it seems he has had far too much attention from his Mother, but none from the Father. His sister and Mother have been very involved and concerned about his best interests, his Father is an ex public school boy, and doesnt do affection or communication very well, and I think that this young man feels smothered and frustrated by the female input, and angry and resentful about the lack of male input.

[daftpixie]

The family have tried for years to get the right agencies involved, to no avail. He wants to get away but is in a cycle of resentful dependence. He is not equipped to go it alone, be it emotionally or financially. And as he is now 16, Social Service avoid getting involved, it wasnt until the ASBO that YOT became involved, and he has refused offers of Princess Trust Places as they come via the police, whom he despises.

[Ms.Hijinx]

I appreciate he may have had a rough time but how do you help someone who refuses all offers of help, he sounds like he wants to be an adult so let him be one and if he screws it up its down to him thats what happens when you are responsible for your own life, as we are always being told on here children mature at different rates maybe hes just ready to go it alone, and just because calling him stigmatised by society could let those in the know off the hook if used as an excuse doesn't mean its not true, hope he gets his life sorted without any due harm