Is it possible to get someone to find you attractive again?

[Otrere]

Recently my husband had an affair. We've been together for 6 years and married for almost 3, have an almost 4 year old daughter and I am 33 weeks pregnant. I was devastated when I found out, but after 4 days of living with her, he came back to me. We talked and talked and talked. We realised that our relationship had become somewhat stuck in a rut and we had both stopped making the effort for each other. We both want to make our marriage work but....

He also said he had got bored with our sex life and that he thinks "monogamy" is boring and wants to start "swinging" - something which actually appeals to me. He thinks he might get a kick out of seeing me with another man (or woman).

But something else he said is that he no longer finds me attractive. As you can imagine this was like someone sticking a knife in. He says I have no self confidence any more and haven't done for a long time (before the affair) and I'm really not sure what to do about this.

Is it possible to start feeling good about yourself again and to become attractive and sexy to someone again? If this is the case, how do you go about it?

[sense4all]

You deserve to be in a loving and supportive relationship - everyone does. The best way to feel good about yourself and exude confidence is not to wonder if your every move is being judged ,and if you are found lacking ,being punished by that person relocating his affections to another party ( or parties). It was not very kind of your husband to bring all this angst back for you to help him sort out. If I was in your position I would question my other halfs motives : did he choose seriously to be with me, or did he choose to not to be in his new situation ( and I was his easiest out).
I would not consent to 'swinging' if you do not have a VERY solid relationship to begin with as it will only magnify any imperfections to breaking point! I do wonder what the upshot will be if he finds that watching you with someone else does not have the desired effect for him, what then? He thought that being with the other person would be a good idea, apparently not. This looks very harsh in print, sorry Sweetie!
I think that yes you will start to feel good and be attractive and sexy to someone, not perhaps your current partner . Who appears to want to reap the benefits of this new improved you, with out accepting his own role in your present state of mind. I wish you all the very best for your future, on your own, or together ,whichever you feel is best FOR YOU and the kids. Love, Sense.

[Suzyboo]

He might say that he loves you but words are cheap and his actions demonstrate otherwise.

[SCHUMI]

don't know if this helps but firstly congrats on your pregnancy and you do know that your children take priority over your eejit husband.secondly he must've found you attractive to make you 33wks pregnant so the you ain't doing it for me baby comment is a load of crap.as for your interest in swining you obviously are still sexual charged so why doesn't he have a think about this.you are willing to sleep with other couples so perhaps it is him that isn't stimulating you enough to hang from the chandeliers everytime he is near you.i have about nil confidence in myself,my ex said i was a fat horse and repulsed him but my newish husband of two years says i am the sexiest person alive and my ex has turned into a lonely old man so trust me you may have an ungrateful git on your hands but there is a man out there who believes your the sexiest one alive.

[Otrere]

Thanks Dakota. I'm glad that someone actually answered my question. I want to try and repair my marriage - what is so wrong with that?

I am sure that if I had wanted my husband berated I could have simply typed "My husband has had an affair whilst we have a 3 year old and I am heavily pregnant, please can you sl** him off?"

Thanks to those of you who actually answered my question.