My Daughters Best Friend Isn’T Talking To Her!

[louculhane]

My daughters best friend isn’t talking to her!
Hi everyone I need some advice. I have a 14-year-old daughter who is really good friends with a girl at school, however over the last couple of weeks in the holidays she’s turned quite mean and is now excluding her at school. I’m really cross with this girl and would love to challenge her about it, obviously in a calm manner however my daughter doesn’t want this and she doesn’t want any of us to intervene. She was bullied previously in her primary school and we had to change schools so it is heartbreaking to see this happening to her and I really don’t know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[murraymints]

best keep out !! they'll sort things eventually and your daughter would not thank you for intervention and "showing her up "

[Tilly2]

I agree. Leave it to your daughter to sort out.

[Old_Geezer]

Your daughter is showing good sense. Best advise her of the value of making a circle of friends.

[mallyh]

i agree with minty .there could be a boy involved that they both like but he is more friendly with your daughter .

[Cloverjo]

She's 14, not 4. You can't make this girl stop being mean to your daughter. They'll get over it or make new friends. Stay out of it, anyway.

[Peter Pedant]

agree MM deffo

my auld grandmother would say - you fall out with neighbours over this and their children and then you find them playing again.

who knows what is going on in a 14 y o head ?
they certainly dont

[cassa333]

My daughter is 14 and her friends don't actually want her in their 'friend group' so I understand how you feel about this.

My daughters difference is that she has Autism and the other girls don't understand her behaviour is because of this (she doesn't interact much and just sort of lingers on the side lines).

My daughter has other issues around being bullied (it is now a game to goad her into a meltdown reaction) but as to your daughters 'friends' I would suggest just monitoring the situation for a while. At that age they can fight like cats and dogs and then be besties. They are fickle creatures.

You may be sensitive to the situation because of previous bullying so I understand you wanting to jump on this quickly but honestly just keep an eye on it for a while.

Has this girl been round for tea or to play or anything? Why not invite her round and see how they interact.

[Guilbert53]

We went through this with my daughter (now in her 30s) while she was that age.

She was in a group of 4 or 5 other girls at school, and every so often one the "gang" was excluded from the group for some reason or other.

Then the next week the excluded one was back in, and a different girl was excluded.

It was upsetting for the excluded one at the time, but then a week later they were back in and happy again.

This is all part of growing up and learning to deal with other people and making and keeping friends.

Dont interfere, she has to learn as she may get similar problems at college or even in the work place in the future.

[Peter Pedant]

good advice here and above

//Dont interfere, she has to learn as she may get similar problems at college or even in the work place in the future.//
- blimey struck a cord - two years between skool and uni - I didnt make one friend ! on work placement. [me - fifty y ago] Couldnt wait to get to uni .....

[Prudie]

I agree with don't interfere, I know it's painful as I had a daughter and would feel the same way when she was growing up but in harsh reality this is all part of life - I had similar issues when I was at school as I bet did most people and had periods of unhappiness but there was absolutely nothing my mother could have done about it except make it worse. Unfortunately kids growing up can be very mean.

[snowshoe1]

BEING BULLY IS NEVER A GOOD THING.BUT KIDS IN SCHOOL HAVE TO PUT UP WITH A LOT. I WOULD WAIT FOR AWHILE AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS. IF IT CONTINUE I WOULD TALK TO HER SCHOOL COUNSEL. THERE HAS BEEN TO MANY CHILDREN THAT HAVE BEEN BULLY,THAT THEY TRY TO HARM THEMSELVES.

[louculhane]

Hello Everyone, Sorry for the delay in replying. Thank you all for your valued and honest responses. Just an update on the situation. I didn't interfere and just made myself available to listen when needed. My daughter has also attended a counsellor a couple of times since and has gained good advice on how to cope. She is still having some difficulties but is showing amazing strength and resilience. Fingers crossed she gets over this hurdle. Thank you all again

[murraymints]

thanks for that..she WILL get there xx