Am I Being Unreasonable

[Katieedwards2312]

Am i being unreasonable?

So i found out today that my husbands younger brother cheated on his girlfriend over the weekend. My husband works with his brother and they decided to go down the pub after work. Apparently his brother met this girl. He went back to her place and so on..... only my husband did not tell me this. This was apparently to spare my feelings towards his brother. However my husband got in after i went to bed (the norm on a lads night out) when i asked where he got too he said he went back to a friends and left his brother there because he was done for the night and wanted to come home, so left him. My husbands mum called me in the morning and told me his brother didnt get back until 9am......now i didnt think to much of this until MY mum (of all people) told me my husbands brother apparently had met this girl.... she found out through my brother inlaw who clearly thought my husband had already shared this info with me???? and had also been told this info by my husband????? I am so angry that i have found out like this.......but what hurts the most is he lied to me about coming home and leaving his brother at a friends.....am i being completely unreasonable by being angry??? He seems to think that my anger is a complete over reaction. I truly feel hurt by being lied to and how i believed him....i trusted him implicitly; but i cant help but feel this trust has been misplaced.....what else has he lied to me abou

[Katieedwards2312]

He eventually told me his brother went off with the girl back to hers...whilst he went back to his friends with a couple of other mates.

[Baldric]

Pasta, turns out he did name a particular friend, that was the lie

[pastafreak]

Arrgghhh...we need a diagram of who did what and their relationship.
My brain is tired already...:(

[Katieedwards2312]

Ok...
So.....when i asked my husband where he got to he could of said went to a friends, end of topic, he would of been telling the truth without fabricating any lies!!!!! But no he decided to tell me his brother went there with him, he then went on to say he left his brother their and came home. He didnt even have to tell me his brother had joined him.....he basically made up a story to cover for his brother

[ummmm]

Which is completely normal.

[Katieedwards2312]

Is normal in the sense to lie to your wife and to cover for your cheating brother.....totally normal everday behaviour.

[ToraToraTora]

I'm still trying to see where he "lied", I assume you call it a lie when you are not told information that you think you'd like to know. Please clarify.

[AuntLydia]

Katie, men do not think like women. They tend to give out info on a 'need to know' basis which can sometimes be misunderstood by women as telling lies ( by omission) . Calmly as possible explain why this has upset you and caused you to question even further 'what really happened'. I had a similar situation a few years ago when OH was trying to cover for a nephew he went out with. It took me two hours to get the truth out and when I did it was really not worth all the bother. I told my OH it was far worse him 'omitting' certain things that happened and made him look far more guilty, than telling the whole sordid truth which frankly would not have warranted getting too upset about. So I can empathise, but talk to him.

[jno]

it's entirely up to you whether it's unreasonable. If you want a husband who always tells the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, you haven't got one, and it's your choice how you deal with it.

I would probably forgive him, but you don't have to do so just because I would. Partnerships involve both parties being as happy as possible; if he's made you unhappy, and you don't accept his excuses, then you're within your rights to leave. But whether I or anyone else would do so is irrelevant: it's your call.

[mallyh]

he was just covering for his brother .is anyone going to tell the poor girlfriend ?

[ummmm]

Covering up for your brother is normal although I don't understand why he had to. Were you interrogating him or something?

My OH's sister used to be a right cow....so he wouldn't tell me anything about her that would lower my opinion further. Normal for siblings.

[Katieedwards2312]

Im not about to throw away my whole relationship. I dont believe that my husband went off with anyoneone. It just bothers me he lied to me when he really didnt have to??? I understand he didnt want to tell me, it his brother!!! Im not interesed in his brothers affairs and NO i wont be telling her...its not my business to do so

[Arksided]

Seems to me if he went straight from work to the pub (Your Husband) then likely to have being pretty tired when he arrived home and dare say had a few drinks. So may not have being thinking clearly and may have being dismayed at his Brothers behaviour.

Back to your OP yes you're being unreasonable, shame if you disagree with my opinion but you did ask.

[HansUrbancka]

It could be that you are being unreasonable as much as perhaps my reply is.

You are a new poster into Answerbank and often such 'first timers' have a complicated story which is very interesting but fails to convince me.

I don't think your husband has lied, he appears to have told you the truth but omitted facts which could have distressed you.

Incidentally, as you admit to telling 'white lies', it could be argued that you hide more than does your husband.

Hans.

[Old_Geezer]

Watch Horizon, BBC2 on now.