Who (if anyone) is right?

[Trotbot]

I travel a fair amount for work, and usually buy my wife a present each time, ranging from perfume to handbag(s). I recently was on a trip and bought a Hermes scarf.

I usually ask colleagues if they want anything on a cash on delivery basis. I bought a female colleague a box of chocolates that cannot be bought in this country (total cost 5 pounds) and a male colleague some shoe polish. The chocolate was readily available at the airport, the shoe polish took a special trip to a shop.

My wife took great exception to the chocolates, and we have argued ever since. She does not care in the slightest about the shoe polish. She also decided she didn't like the scarf, but that might be unrelated to the chocolate incidence. I maintain she is totally over-reacting. She is convinced that I acted inappropriately by buying a female colleague chocolates. Stupid though this seems, our whole relationship is in trouble because she won't leave it alone even though I threw the chocolates in the bin. They ended up being crushed and stuffed into my computer bag, which took some cleaning.

Forgetting the reaction, does she have a point? Have I been foolish or disloyal? And then the reaction - justifiable?

[WendyS]

Tell your wife that she's a miserable ungrateful old bag and that she's lucky to be married to a man who is so considerate.

My husband spent a large chunk of his life travelling abroad on business. He often bought little gifts back for his work colleagues (all of whom were female) and I had absolutely no problem with this at all. Of course you didn't act inappropriately by buying chocolates for a colleague, especially as she was paying for them anyway. Your wife sounds a pretty insecure person if she feels her existence threatened by a mere box of chocolates bought as a favour for somebody .

I was just happy to have my husband back safe and sound after every trip, especially when I knew some of them had been to some pretty risky and uncomfortable places.

[joko]

this may be a simplistic response but could it simply be her time of the month and she's feeling a bit over sensitive?

as we all know many women act oddly at this time and then a few days later are as right as rain.

if its been a few weeks, could she be continuing with her objection to save face but actually knows inside that she over reacted?
perhaps your reaction to her over reaction has made her more angry and now she can't back down?

[joko]

i must just add, that if i found a box of chocs in my husbands belongings, that were for someone else, i would be angry too, and the excuse that they were being paid for would sound like just that - an excuse.

if, however you told her in advance, then i can't see the issue.

[jonarizmendi]

I think you are right, she is just jealous of the other woman even if nothing happens between her and you...what she's got is a feeling of being insecure over your relationship, and I tell you because this USED TO HAPPEN TO ME and I had to get over it!! and now we're fine, as long as you know you're not straying, then it is not your fault.

[Trotbot]

Thanks again for the answers. I did tell her as I was unpacking, and the colleague for whom they were bought is average looking I guess.

We had a discussion about it again and managed not to argue, which is progress. Reading the comments here helped me be calmer, as I was reacting to the suggestion that I had done something wrong. Did the hugging bit and agreed to talk more about why the reaction was so extreme. Initial response was that she doesn't want other women to be made to feel special, even though she accepts I don't mean it in that way. There is still some talking to be done!

[spk]

Any - Hughes, always so wise x

[spk]

Oops sorry Andy - Hughes !