Pope?

[Theland]

Tourist stood in line to see the Pope, who walked down the line nodding to everybody, but stopped to whisper in the ear of a smelly old tramp.
When the Pope nodded and passed the tourist, who immediately run down to the tramp, and bought his coat and hat for a hundred Euros, then ran back up the line ahead of the Pope, and squeezed himself into the line again.
The Pope came along, nodding and smiling, but when he got to the tourist, now dressed in the tramps clothes, he stopped and whispered in his ear, "I thought I told you to sod off!"

[Shaglene]

A good 'un........

[retrocop]

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk’s shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, “Father, what causes arthritis?”
“Mister, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man,” the priest replied.
“Imagine that,” the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”
“I don’t have arthritis, Father,” the drunk said, “but I just read in the paper that the Pope does.”

[zebo]

Another tourist went on holiday to Rome and on Sunday went to watch the Pope give his Papal blessing but he was so far back that all he could see was the Pontiff spreading out his arms as he addressed the crowd.
The following week he got up earlier and was a bit further forward but again all he saw was the Pope spreading his arms as he addressed the crowd.
This happened for the next few weeks then eventually he got on the front row.
He waited expectantly for the Pope's address, he came out onto the balcony, spread his arms and started his address, Get off my bl'''y grass!