Terminal Illness

[Lindylou]

My lovely daugher in law, mum to my 2 year old grandchild, has been diagnosed with terminal cancer. My son is in bits and my grandchild is bewildered as to why mummy can't play any more. How do I explain/help?

[Eleena]

Lindy, just to add to your post. Drip feeding an explanation, as with the flowers that (wilt/get poorly and then die), is a very good way of preparing your grandchild over time. Mum need not be added to the idea of the flowers wilting and dying, not until the very end. Then you can say, remember how the flowers got poorly and then died?

[Smowball]

Am so sorry to hear th8s and echo what everyone else has said. NoM also gives some excellent advice. Big hugs xx

[Smowball]

*this

[naomi24]

Terrible, just terrible. I am so very sorry for you all. Children don’t need to know more than they need to know, or more than they are capable of understanding. For now I would just tell the baby that mummy isn’t feeling well so can’t play much. If your family is not already in touch with the Macmillan nurses, please contact them. They don’t just care for the patient – they care for the whole family and will give you all the advice you need. Much love to you all. x

[Eleena]

I agree naomi, a child has no concept of time. As and when finally needed x

[gness]

Lindy, I can't add anything other than I'm so very sorry to read this......Gx

[Lindylou]

So many thanks to you all. DIL is 38. Macmillian are in contact and being very helpful. Her employer has been excellent and has retired her on health grounds. She has a good pension and a portion of it will pass to my son on her death. They are in the middle of a 'bucket' list of things to do together and these are being videod and photographed. I wish every and Peaceful and Happy Christmas.

[naomi24]

Sad, sad time Lindylou. You can do no more than be there for them all. I've no doubt you will be. x

[albaqwerty]

I am so sorry to read of your news Lindy.
My thoughts are with you and yours xx

[emmie]

this is awful. so sorry for your daughter in law, as others have said all you can do is be there with them, explain mummy is poorly and that she can't play with her as much..
my best wishes to you and the family

[NoMercy]

Goodness, 38 is no age?

What type of cancer does she have and has prognosis been discussed? Is she having palliative treatment? x

[Lindylou]

An update. Chemo is continuing. So far so good. Now been told 3 years maximum. Can't believe how my son is coping. But he is. DIL is SO brave. Looking after her son who is aware something is going on but not sure what. He's 3 now and in nursery school. My husband and I help as much as we can but we're not getting any younger. Thank you everyone so much for all your kind thoughts/advice. Macmillan nurses are being extremely helpful. And our son's employer is also really understanding and has told him to have as much time off as he needs though he works from home when he can't actually go into work. I just hope that the huge amount of reseach that's currently going on turns out to be helpful. My 6 year old granddaughter (it's my grandson's cousin) has asked her mummy if they can hold a Macmillan grand coffee morning on the 8th Sept. Which they are. I shall be making cakes!!

[naomi24]

x

[kvalidir]

Much love to you all Lindylou in these awful times. I really wish I could help xxx

[Mamyalynne]

Sounds like you are surrounded by love and support, add a ♥ from me.

[naomi24]

Lindylou, more messages for you here:

https://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/Body-and-Soul/Question1621534.html

[rowanwitch]

One thing that will be huge in years to come will be her little one will remember her. With such rapid developments in treatments, there might be more they can offer before it is too late. Immunotherapy is pushing back the boundaries for more and more tumour types, so hopefully she will have time to build lots more memories.

[Lindylou]

I can't tell everyone how much your answers have helped. Just to let everyone know..... the Macmillan Afternoon tea sponsored by my six year old granddaughter (cousin to my grandson who's mum is terminal) has actually raised over £700. Well done and thank you to everyone. We're all still chugging along. The prognosis has deteriorated. Down to 5 months now. Still living our lives. Love to all.

[Mamyalynne]

That's a great total raised - wonderful!

All you can do is take each day and pack as much love and life into it as you can.x