One Liners Or A Bit Longer..............

[Shaglene]

Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador”.
"Blow that" says Mick, “have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"

19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of you?"
Mick replies, "The film said 18 or over."

I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am?!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

When I was in the pub I heard a couple of plonkers saying that they wouldn't feel safe on an aircraft if they knew the pilot was a woman.
What a pair of sexists. I mean, it's not as if she'd have to reverse the thing!

Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it.

A teddy bear is working on a building site.
He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman.
The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball.
It was a lovely service.

[BANANASPLITS]

Lol all good

[Patsy33]

Lol! Love the bagpipes one!...