Am I Strange?

[Lisa-Marie]

It seems to be that i totally fancy a guy, think about him all the time, the works but then once i get him i get bored n dont like him anymore! anyone knoew whats heppening? at the moment im head over heels with my dance teacher, i have been for about a year, i think he likes me too, im nearly 17 and he's 23, any ideas as what to do? i dont want to ruin what we have just now but i also dont want to live my life thinking what if?

[smudge]

Sorry Lisa-Marie, can't really help you on this one, but don't end up with anyone with the name 'Michael Jackson' as you'll really be in for some stick - only jesting! Good luck!

[woofgang]

Please don't be offended, what's happening is that you are 16 years old. You are in a state of change from child to woman, nearly there but not yet,and your thoughts, emotions and feelings are in some respects still practising for the main event. Give yourself time and space, enjoy being a flirt enjoy all the relationships that you have, beware of taking any of them too seriously too soon, keep your sexual health in mind...wear sunscreen...oh no sorry that's a different lecture, I'll shut up now...

[kags]

Like Woofgang, I don't want to sound patronising, but we have both been 16 year old girls so can talk with the benefit of hindsight! Your dance teacher is in a position where he will no doubt be attractive to his students - he is older, confident, good at dancing, you respect and admire him and that feels a bit like something deeper. From his point of view, his job is to inspire you & also make you feel confident at what you do so he will be friendly and attentive, but please do not mistake this for anything more. He may well find you attractive but if he is a decent man he will not take this further. Enjoy your classes, admire him from afar, but accept that nothing will happen and in the meantime continue mixing with people your own age and you will in time find someone who doesn't bore you after the initial thrill. I remember being exactly the same, I would spend ages thinking about a boy I liked, work myself up into a real state, then the reality was always a let down! Then one day it was suddenly different and boy was it worth the wait! As Woofgang says, enjoy this time in your life, have fun and learn to have respect for yourself.

[kags]

oooh, I was cut off in my prime then! I was just going to say have respect for yourself and expect the same from anybody else you meet. Here endeth the lesson....

[treaclefight]

No you're not strange, you're perfectly normal and as a gorwn up mother of 3 i still get this, my technique is to invest this ridiculous romantic energy into some one that is just a fantasy, currently a certian mr clooney (occasionally accompanied by mr pitt, will say no more). it's so normal that you'd be wierd if you didnt feel like this. the trick is not to base your relationships on it. there is just no saying what your feelings for this man will turn into, you've already noticed how these feelings go as easily as the come, it really is no basis for a relationship. this is a normal aspect of being a woman, enjoy it for what it is, exitement. actually being in love is a much calmer contented feeling than the breathless panicky stuff you're talking about. having said that, what you're feeling is very real and deserves respect, please don't think im dismissing it in any way. my advice is to enjoy your relationship with your dance teacher, i dont mean have sex, i dont mean tell him you're in love and equally i dont mean dismiss your feeling as being girlie and silly coz they're not, they're real adult feelings, just be patient and see what happens. these feelings are what they are and no more, they're not premonitions of the future, they're not an illness, they're not a blessing, they're not love, they're not hate, they simply are what they are. and as for the "what if's", well you'll have those whether you have a romantic relationship with him or not, they're just human. dont rush into this because you might regret not doing it, you're equally as likely to regret ever giving him time of day let alone intimacy. patience (can't believe im asking a teenager to be patient) patience patience with him, and find a girlie friend to laugh about this with. (my funny "people i fancied for a while" stories are unprintable otherwise i'd be that girlie friend for you), keep us updated and good luck :-)

[bad11thebone]

sorry can i just say....... who cares??? I dont mean to be un sympthetic but ur 16 for christ sake too young to have these thoughts, go out have fun enjoy your life before u even think about dating boys!!

[del_1690]

I was exactly the same. I went out with girls and thought I was deeply in love and then all of a sudden didnt fancy them anymore and people got hurt. Ive only recently found someone I know I love and can actually see myself being with them for life. Im just turning 24 and even thats considered to be too young to be involved. Evertyone is different but youve got to just enjoy life.......If you cant behave, be safe. If you cant be safe, BEHAVE! God, I sound like my dad.

[Lotus]

I dont know if this will be of any help,Lisa-Marie, but with me, it was a self-assurance thing. I looked for people who were older/wiser/more established/more attractive, etc. than myself, or the majority of my friends, and dreamt about them to the point of convincing myself they were all I wanted, forever, full stop. But really, all I wanted was for them to like me, be interested in me, etc. Because that would give me the self-confidence I lacked at the strange, confusing stage of teenagehood. Mind you, Ive only realised that years afterwards...I guess it all got sorted out in my head when I got a solid sense of self, and based on that, I looked for people I wanted to be in my life. Its very hard deciding on the 'right' thing to do, but I definitely agree with treaclefight, dont dismiss it at all, but dont take it too seriously either. Have and enjoy the feelings you have, but also have a friend to talk -and joke about them with you. Hopefully, that way you can have a balance - and they are relatively easy to make sense out of :) And this is only an idea, and please tell me if Im completely off the point, - but this is your dance teacher. I dont know what kind of dance you do, but Ive always found dancing to be a very intimate and exhilarating experience. Even from the point of exercise increasing your endorphins (which are said to make you happy). Do you think this may be a factor in your attraction?