Do I Have Repressed Memories Of My Dad Doing Something To Me As A Kid?

[nialicious2]

So, I don't exactly know how to put this but ever since I was in 4th grade (I'm a junior in high school now) I've always felt uncomfortable around my dad and I never knew why. I couldn't stand to be near him or have him sit next to me. He'd also just stare at me and say things like 'I have a right to stare at you because I bought you'. It's meant to be a joke but it just makes me uncomfortable. But recently, I started to vaguely remember stuff from when I was younger, like when he would wash me up in the morning before school, he d always push my lower body closer to his to the point where I d feel his penis against my butt and I just remember knowing I didn't like it at all but I never really thought about it until today. I think he might've done more to me at some point but I can t remember. I just know that I don t feel safe around him like I do my mom. I've looked up symptoms of child molestation and I have three of them (anxiety, depression (both that I've been diagnosed with), and low self esteem). When I was younger, before 4th grade, I was always told that I was very outgoing but now I m very quiet and always get scared of talking to people unless I really know them. I don t know if it s related to maybe past trauma but I think it might be. I don't know if this is just my own personal problem and if there's really nothing wrong or if I'm really not safe around my dad.

[spathiphyllum]

Like I said.. Go talk to your mum, the person who knows you, and your dad. If you bring this up with her, she'd either tell you how ridiculous you sound or how what you've said has worried her. If she's worried, then maybe your dad has the potential. If she thinks you're being ridiculous then maybe you are.

[spathiphyllum]

Page 2.

[ummmm]

Good grief, Spath, never go into counselling!

[Old_Geezer]

And what if her mother couldn't bring herself to believe her husband could do such a thing, let did ? Discuss by all means but working out what is really so isn't so easy. An independent counselor may be best.

[Old_Geezer]

Yet
The tech is putting far to many changes into these posts :-(

[spathiphyllum]

I find my answers are giving progressive action to the OP without endorsing sheer speculation that might break up a family, Ummm.

Going to a school counsellor will have repercussions the OP may not want. It may be their legal requirement to go to the police force.

[ummmm]

Unlikely, Spath.

[spathiphyllum]

Unlikely but highly possible.

Read the OP a few more times.

[woofgang]

spath this is not a thread to make silly comments on

[spathiphyllum]

I guess it is a matter of opinion then what is considered silly and what is not. I have been serious on this thread.

[LadyCG]

I'm genuinely shocked by your thought process, Spath. What if the OP has indeed repressed memories of past abuse and your dismissive response puts her off seeking advice and counselling?

[spathiphyllum]

Well it's good that we've come from different positions then LadyCG.

[spathiphyllum]

Nothing about the OP makes me worry about her fathers intent.

The OP is 16/17.. and not in any danger at all.

She literally said

"It's meant to be a joke but it just makes me uncomfortable. "

As a 16/17 year old you're suppose to find ur fathers jokes uncomfortable.

I get a vibes from the OP you clearly don't Lady CG.

[LadyCG]

I'm not sure I understand what you mean, Spath.

Many of your posts range from mildly bizarre to completely bonkers if I'm honest.

[spathiphyllum]

"Many of your posts range from mildly bizarre to completely bonkers if I'm honest."

Since you've admired to a lack of understanding i'm not surprised you've come to that conclusion.

[jim360]

The rule in counselling, Spath, is to take everything the patient says seriously, and keep your scepticism to yourself. Allow them to talk, and to feel free and safe to do so. They aren't there to be judged, nor as witnesses to a possible crime.

Your comments are the exact opposite of this. I have no idea if this person has repressed memories of abuse or if they are making it up, but the simple fact is that at this point it doesn't matter. The feelings they are experiencing are, it is safe to assume, genuine. So we should listen and be respectful, and give open and honest advice. Seeking a counsellor in their real life is the most important first step at this point. It won't lead to a family break-up.

If you aren't capable of recognising what is and is not appropriate advice, Spath, then please can you refrain from giving advice at all. What you're saying is potentially even damaging.

[spathiphyllum]

"then please can you refrain from giving advice at all. "

No.

[jim360]

It's also worth adding that literally the worst thing to do at this point is to talk to their Dad. If this is a case of previous abuse, how do you think the father will react? He'll assert his power again, things may escalate. And if it's false then the very thought that the parents are seen by the child as abusive could be damaging.

No, the answer is not to speak to Mum/Dad, but to somebody neutral, whose obligation is only to ensure that the OP is listened to and has the freedom and safety needed to explore these feelings and their roots.