Chapel Of Rest

[Purist]

Has anyone here ever visited a close loved one in the chapel of rest before the funeral? How did you feel afterwards? I am in this situation now and part of me wants to say goodbye before cremation, but part of me is worried about how this experience will affect me? will it push me over the edge?

[jennyjoan]

well my mother father 2 brothers one nephew and loads of neighbours were "waked" in their houses - you know never went to a chapel of rest so it is pretty much the norm. I could count probably 50 or more wakes in my lifetime. And it did last for about 2-3 days.

Just recently my cousin died and she too was waked in the house. I guess chapel of rest is better. I have only been to about 6 or 7 and they were peaceful so you won't go over the edge.

[marval]

I went to see both my parents when they died. I wasn't sure I could, but am glad I did now.

[fairfax]

our son died after a short illness .He looked so peaceful we were pleased we went and said our goodbyes. Sending our best wishes.

[waterboatman]

You should go. I promise you, you will regret it if you don't. I went to see her when I lost my Vera, I'm glad I did. After several years of pain she looked at peace.

[Purist]

Thank you for your lovely replies and sharing your experiences good and bad, I know I will only get one shot at seeing my father before he is cremated very soon, so I will see him as I think I will feel regret if I don't and I hope it will be a positive experience.

[jj20]

I think you go with your gut feeling. If you are worried you might regret it or just feeling you want to do it, then do it. There are no rights or wrongs. I had been with my grandfather on the day of his death that wanted to go and see him. I don't regret going but did stick with me for a while that he was a little bit 'made up' which seemed a bit of a strange colour to me and I had to get beyond that. My grandmother on the other hand had been very ill and frail and whilst it had only been a couple of days since I'd seen her, having experienced seeing my grandfather I just knew if I was to see her then she was just going to be a poor wee soul, pretty much skin and bones and decided best that I didn't see her like that. I don't regret not going. Sorry for your loss.

[Peter Pedant]

the victorians did this a lot

nowadays it is uncommon, but it does give you a chance to see they are really dead, and to remind yourself of it
which is the first stop on the familiar road of grieving ( first - denial - he cant be dead etc)

ask someone to go with you, and above all, remember that their reaction may be different to yours

(I am a regular goer-with )

[bednobs]

I went to see my son when he returned from his post-mortem. I was particularly worried as I didn't know what a PM would mean for his completeness. A lovely friend offered to come with me. I didn't take her up on it, but I wonder if someone could come with you.
Anyway, no regrets at all from me. good luck with your choice

[hereIam]

I saw my two Grans in the Chapel of Rest and whilst I have never regretted it, they didn't really look like they had in life, so I decided not to go and see both Mum and Dad after they had passed. Strangely enough I've never regretted it until now reading this thread. No, I don't think it will push you over the edge at all.

[Purist]

Update: I did go to the Chapel of rest and say goodbye, Initially I thought I had made a terrible mistake but I think that was just shock and the atmosphere in the chapel (there was a very heavy atmosphere) My Father did not really look recognisable and I felt he was not really there merely a shell, its hard to explain I suppose, Importantly though I did get closure and felt that he was in a better place (ie not in that body)