Living At Home Until 30 With Wonderful Widowed Mother

[LandCacci]

Hey, everyone.

I (25M) just wanted to get a few opinions on the idea of staying at home until 30 with my widowed mother.

My Dad passed away 3 years ago and honestly it was extremely devastating for my entire family. My mom used to spend almost every waking hour with my Dad, so now that he's gone, she has become more sad than I have ever seen her.

She doesn't pressure me to continue living at home, but it is totally obvious that she is much happier when she is living with me than when she is living alone.

We get along famously. Always have, probably always will. I am the most emotionally stable presence in her life and she is the same for me.

I'm not asking whether or not I should continue living at home. I plan on moving out when I turn 30. From a financial standpoint, I could easily move out within a couple of weeks. Knowing that I won't be leaving any time soon, I just bought my dream car, a Tesla Model S.

I was wondering if most girls would be understanding of my reasons for living at home.

It's very easy to weave my reasoning into any conversation about living arrangements. When someone asks "Where do you live?," all I would say is "My mother is actually a widow, so I am living with her right now." Sure, this might put a bit of a damper on the conversation, but it will become more and more necessary to clarify this point with every passing year.

Do you think my situation will limit my dating pool for the next 5 years? Why?

[pixie374]

Have you ever moved out? Your reasons are sound enough, but I would personally be wary about someone who has never really been independent by that age.

[ummmm]

I don't see why it should limit your dating. My kids stay here with their partners and also stay at their partners and their parents.

[albaqwerty]

What is your mother's views on having a lady friend staying over?

You may have bought your dream car but is that to attract the ladies?
That in itself, may not limit your dating pool :-)

[retrocop]

Personally if I was a young man and met up with you I wou;ld think your loyalty for your widoowed mother most admirable and commendable.Your mother is very lucky imo.Any youngish man who met you would also be lucky methinks. I am a tad South side of 70 yrs btw. :-)

[Baldric]

Tesla S £80K or thereabouts, you're having a laugh!

[retrocop]

Lol. Hoot hoot. Sorry pal. Just realised you a are a man of the male species. My previous reply stands but turned around if you understand my bloomer. Sorry. :-)

[jourdain2]

You live as makes you happy. If it makes your Mum happy as well - I don't see a problem. Many younger people live longer at home these days. My niece, (30) has just returned home from S. of England because of family need and a job opportunity. Her parents have been careful to organise so that she has her own bedroom, living area and entrance so she can have her privacy. All is well.

[pixie374]

It didn't sound like a female post :-). Yes, men will be more impressed with your car than women:-)

[Old_Geezer]

There's nothing wrong with supporting your mother and anyone worth being a girlfriend will know this. Those who are put off, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. But be sure of your motives. It's to help your mother with life, yes, not an excuse not to have to learn to cope on your own. Be there because you are a good person, not because you are a mother's boy unable to break free. Know yourself, know your mother's viewpoint too, and all should be ok.

[Cloverjo]

Why are you staying until you turn 30? What happens then?
Tbh, when I was young I wouldn’t be thrilled to be dating a 30 year old man who still lives with his mother.
I know things are different nowadays, though.

[woofgang]

Well honestly IMO that depends on what the person you want to date wants.... they may not like the idea of having a third person to consider....I mean wild sex at your mothers house? spontaneous weekends away? cosy night in?....all a bit awkward. If they are looking for a long term close relationship, even more awkward...they may not want to move in with your mother and you don't want to move out. If all you are both looking for is the occasional date and maybe the occasional benefits and they don't mind it always being at theirs, them maybe. Like cloverjo says though, I wonder if this is kind to your Mother....wouldn't it be kinder to help her to make her own life independent of you so that when you do leave it will be easy for her.

[BagPussAA]

Personally, it would put me off to date a 25 year old that is still living with his mum. Whilst I understand your reasons for doing so, I would not want to date someone where I couldn't go back to his place for a cosy night in, that we would always have to go to my house. You would always seem immature to me, like you couldn't let go of the apron strings. Other people may disagree but that is my personal opinion.

[spathiphyllum]

You'd have to ask some 25-30 year old females and unfortunately they're a bit scarce round these ends.

I'd have to say yes, I think it would. Regardless of why you live with a parent, the fact you do makes it harder for a female to feel completely comfortable at your home. Unless the partner you found had her own place?

You can be there for Mum and close to mum without sharing a house. If you're financially well, why not renovate the garage, buy a property close to Mum or something similar so you're still near by.

[davebro]

Find a woman who has her own place & move out gradually. Maybe your mum will be happy to downsize - mine did when I moved out at 32.

[davebro]

PS - and maybe your being around is inhibiting your Mum from moving on with another relationship? :)

[Mozz71]

Whatever works for you and your mum really. If any date is scared off by where you are living, I'd suggest they are attracted to more than your personality and should be treated with caution. If you meet the man/woman of your dreams, then you can always deal with that at the time.