daughter

[tradey]

i have a 17yr old daughter,for the last 6mths shes began to be strange with me doesnt like me laughing talking or having fun.im 37 and have two other children 21 and 2. everytime i try and have a chat to her its like she cant be arsed,she was going out earlier and i asked her where she was going you know like us conserned parents do no matter how old they are, and she jumped down my throat,i pulled her yet again and she just got up and went to her room,im at my wits ends cant take any more of being treated like im abit of **** on her shoe,please any advise hellllllllllllp

[Skids]

sounds to me like she possibly might be something that you wouldnt approve of i.e sex,drugs or something which she might need to talk about but finds it hard with you. try and get a outside family member or a close friend to try and talk to her.

[fat rascal]

sounds like a typical teen to me... hard work.. just keep lines of communication open, and hopefully you'll come thro it.

good luck

xx

[Ethel]

Definitely typical teenage behaviour.

Keep your sense of humour (hard I know) but tell you love her as much as you ever did but don't like her behaviour towards you.

Can your older child mediate?

[sense4all]

Do ya wanna be in my gang? ... teenagers pah?

You are not asking these questions as a concerned parent, why would you want to know where she was going, who with, or even an approximate time of return ... so that you can assist in the event of your little darling coming a cropper?

NNNOOO it is part of your total control freakery, Geez. Messing with their free spirits, you are abusing the very soul of their existance ... or so my fifteen year old tells me - every time basic safety questions are percieved as interference.

You are in the ranks of the un-dead as far as your kid is concerned ... there are lots of ways to get on the t**ts of your teenagers - all is fair in love and hormones.!! My oldest hates people who poke and jab their fingers at her, so I sit on the sofa and prod her in the upper arm whispering pokey, pokey,pokey at her. It's enough for her to decide to get over herself or her drama related incident.
My son is a different kettle of fish if we are out and he is "starting" he will soon get with the programme if I call someone Mrs Patterson ... as in Kevin and Perry. This is the pre cursor to me mirroring his horrible behavior and caricaturing it to boot !! How embarasing is that.

Also sometimes you have to just batten down the hatches and weather the storm ... you are talking to a body that is being ravaged by hormones.I always treat the biggies like I am dealing with a "chemical possesion" sometimes the rages are just an outpouring of bile that they cannot trust anyone else to still love them after such an unloading of spite. Think of it as a backhanded compliment! Drink a glass of wine, have a cup of tea, analyse the sub text, laugh, hold no grudge, and thank the lord that you are not a teenager any more. Love Sense. X.

[tradey]

thankyou to you all,i know shes at that age but its hard as we used to be able to talk now its as if im not here.im going to get my son to have a chat with her,in a nice way.shes not doing drugs thats one thing i know shes anti smoking and drugs,sex thing maybe.im just going to keep calm on not ask questions anymore maybe then she will start wondering why im not asking them cheers everyone xx

[Lore]

How long has it been since you've spent a day with her - just you and your daughter doing something she likes?

there is a posibility that although she's demonstrating typical teen behaviour she's feeling a little left out.
would you be able to get someone to look after your little one for the day?

[Hellion]

Hi Tradey - I don't have a teenager (yet) but I was a horrible one once and certainly behaved as your daughter does on occasion. One night my parents went out to a dinner dance and said they'd be home by 11, 11came and went so did midnight, and 1 o'clock by which time I was seriously freaked. They rolled in at 1.45...... and rolled around laughing when I screeched at them 'Where the hell have you been?' And you now what .... I never refused to tell them where I was going and what time I would be in again!!

[Pippa68]

You know this is really horrible ~ its surprising how quickly our kids turn from being loving children into complete strangers!

I have this with my two teens ~ luckily my daughter (16) isn't too extreme but my son (14) is a real misery the majority of the time (think 'Kevin').

Perfectly normal behaviour..in fact I recall being the same between the ages of 14 & 19. My poor parents must have gone through hell! my mum calls what I am going through 'payback'.

[Pippa68]

Cont:

fat rascal is right ~ keep the lines of communication open, and no mater how hard it is make sure she knows you are always going to be there for her. She WILL appreciate it later on :o)

[tradey]

lore i think you maybe right,we dont often get out much on our own,but ive asked her tonight if she wants to go shopping and for lunch tomoz and she had a big smile on her face,its hard when my hubby works all the time and im at home with my 2yr old but hes off tomoz and is having our youngest so me and my daughter can spen some together.
id like to say thanks to everyone for there advice really helped me cheers xx

[vivalamojo]

She is trying to tell you without actually having to say it, "I'm an adult" and I will make my own choices.

How you response to that, is really the question.

[tradey]

i know shes an adult now but what is wrong when shes going out for me to say nicely where you going hun have a nice time,am i not allowed to say that with out her thinking im being nosey,or for her to jump down my throat.

[Lore]

Hope you both have a great day spending some quality time together.

I know how difficult it is especially when you have a little one.

try to explain to her at some point today that you're not trying to control her and you're not trying to poke your nose into her business.. It's more of an interest, even though she's pretty much classed as an adult she's still your daughter and you'd like to know how her day's been, what times she's coming home for peace of mind - laugh about it being a mother thing, we're all the same!! and basically just asking if everything's ok in her world.

[tradey]

thankyou lore,we went out of the house this morning at 10 went shopping did the girly chat started to jump down my throat but i did what you said told her im only interested in what shes doing im not being a nosey mum,i also said she wont understand until she has one of her own,i remember my mum saying these things to me and i used to hate she was alright with me then just wonder how long it lasts,we had lunch too good day xx

[Lore]

That's great news hunni... just try to find a little spare time every so often for her before she moves out - then you won't be able to get shut of her... you'll be on here asking a new question of... How can I stop my daughter visiting so often without hurting her feelings?! :oD

really glad you had a good day xx

[tradey]

dont think theres any signs of moving out(what a shame) only joking,yep were going to do lunch once a week even if its just for a few hours better than nothing,shes just gone out and she told me where she was going nearly died ha ha take care and a big thankyou again,really helped xx

[WendyS]

Maybe you just go out for the day or the evening at the week-end and not tell her where you've gone. Or go away overnight with your two year old and not say where you've gone. Or not be around when she comes home from work or school and are away all evening without any message.
My guess is that after a while she'll start getting anxious as to your whereabouts.
Wait until you think she's really starting to pani cand then breeze in without saying a word about where you've been. It's only when she gets the same treatment back that she'll start to realise what she's putting you through.