My Dad Has Died

[Scarlett]

I've never experienced the death of close family before, and last night my Dad had a sudden heart attack. He was 80 and down to his last artery so he had done well. But all the same it's a shock. I have found myself crying all the time, and even today when I thought I was okay, suddenly welling up. I know grief varies from person to person but when will stop randomly crying? I have cancelled my work but I am going to have to return, and don't want to be crying in front of the children!

[Theland]

Loss of a parent is so painful.
So sorry.
Time really is a geat healer .
God Bless You.

[-SharonA-]

So sorry for your loss. Crying is normal as it's part of the grief process.
I cried for both my parents for a good 6 months. You get little triggers that set You off.

[Ken4155]

So sorry for your loss, Scarlett. Even years down the line you will find yourself welling up at a memory, sometimes even shedding a few tear drops. This is only natural and is all part of the grieving process. As for your children seeing you cry? Again, that is natural and it shows them that you love and miss your dad tremendously. No doubt they too miss him and seeing you weep shows that it is ok for them to do so, too.

[hereIam]

I think she's a teacher Ken and the children are at school.

[Scarlett]

Thank you all. Yes I teach so it’s crying at work that I am worried about. When distracted it’s okay but then I’ll suddenly remember.

[Bobbisox1]

Please can I add my condolences to you Scarlett,it’s awful losing a parent because part of you has gone but don’t hold back the tears, let them flow unabated, it helps as a valve xxx

[Mamyalynne]

Scarlett so sorry to hear about your Dad.

There's no guidebook to grief and as everyone says the tears are natural.

Should the children see you looking sad or about to cry just say you thought of something sad for a moment and try to carry on, knowing small people they will probably help carry you through a little.

[Patsy33]

Try not to go back to work too early. All the best.x

[Tilly2]

I am sorry, Scarlett. Cry as much as you need to, for as long as it takes.

[Old_Geezer]

My commiserations Scarlett. You can't say how long the cry period will last. It'll last until you feel you can move on without the need to express. I'd not worry about crying in front of the children. They'll know how they'd feel if they lost you.

[Barmaid]

I'm sorry to hear this, Scarlett. It must have been a huge shock.

Dont try and put a time on grief. Tbh it is very early days yet anyway. Grief manifests itself in different ways and different people respond differently. Do not ask too much of yourself and accept that it is OK not to cope.

In time you might find reading the Cruse website helpful. I know I did when Mr BM saw his dad die in rather horrid circumstances and grief had a real and lasting effect on him. https://www.cruse.org.uk/get-help/about-grief

And I am sorry to say, I do not believe time heals. I believe that time helps us adjust and accept but that wound will always be there to some extent.

[Purist]

So sorry to read about your father Scarlett, I lost my father in August after a battle with cancer, Go easy on yourself, I found crying to be very therapeutic in releasing bottled up emotion, I feel better after I have cried xxx

[ummmm]

I'm so so sorry.

My dad died in 2008 and it took me quite a few years to come to terms with it. He was 59 :-(

I remind myself that I wouldn't feel as I do if it wasn't for the fact that I loved him, he loved me, he was a special man. So my advice, have your cry knowing he's worth your tears but please don't hide it from your kids. Death is part of all of our lives and they to need to learn raw emotion. What makes you cry now might make you smile in the future.

Good luck Scarlet...don't bottle it up xx

[marval]

I am so sorry to hear of your loss Scarlett. Please just take one thing at a time. My parents both dies some years ago, but i still have weepy moments.

[Peter Pedant]

I am very sorry to hear of your loss

"Dr. Kübler-Ross refined her model to include seven stages of loss. The 7 stages of grief model is a more in-depth analysis of the components of the grief process. These seven stages include shock, denial(1), anger(2), bargaining, depression, testing(4), and acceptance.17 Jun 2019"

I would put it at four - 1,2 4 above and 3 as 'canonisation'
3 merge to 4 - only good things to say of the deceased merge with -'well he did have his little foibles......'

One to four is about a year and fits with the Victorian idea of mourning. Time spent in the components is NOT set and can vary wildly. My brother spent about two years in denial and then suddenly 'got over it' and got thro the rest in a few weeks.

Mourning is a shaded clouded journey we all have to make (Catullus)