Boyfriend addicted to skunk

[RSS_82]

Hi

Was just wondering if anyone had experienced any similar problem to the one I'm having at the moment..

To cut a long story short I've just split up with my boyfriend of just over one year because of his insessant weed smoking. I feel like it is affecting other areas of his life, like his motivation and desire to do things generally. He is a lad back kind of person who is kind and loving and has lots of friends.

However.... he has smoked weed for over ten years and it has always been a large part of his life. All his group of friends do it, and they dont have a problem with it, they all think it's perfectly normal to be stoned half the time. I smoked weed when I was 15/16 and didnt really see the point. I'm no angel and like going out and having a few drinks but I dont take drugs. I didnt like it when he was stoned and with me so we came to a compromise whereby he only smoked it when he wasnt with me or coming to see me. That was going ok until last weekend when he was smoking it outside the pub on Sunday afternoon.

I've since finished it but still dont know if I've done the right thing. I want him to get help but I'm not sure he will. I guess I cant force him and he has to want to do it but I dont know how to talk to him about it. I really love him too

Thanks xx

[laurence2]

RSS, don't take this the wrong way, i,ve NO TIME whatsoever on people doing drugs, and for thos that try to come on here and defend weed/pot etc as just a social drug are so misreading the situation.

Does your ex-boyfriend work?

drug users are a massive drain on society, as well as a liability, he clearly thinks its ok with the rest of his loser mates to sit on their ar$e all day doing nothing else but getting stoned, i,m glad you,ve seen sense and gave it up.

He seems like a total loser, you will be better of not having any more contact with him, their ain't a compromise on drugs, its either give up and get help or ditch him.

The only willpower you need now is not to go back to this WASTE of space

[redcrx]

There is no point in you wasting your breath asking him to stop when you are still prepared to have a relationship with him if he ignores you. That just means he has no motivation to stop.

I hope that he realises what he has lost because of his drug habit and that it is the push he needs to sort himself out.

In the meantime enjoy your life without him and move on.

[Loosehead]

Dispite what the beardy weirdies tell you Cannibis is a highly addictive mind shredding drug that churns out schizophrenics by the the ton. He's a long term user and a loser, he thinks it's harmless and will never be able to give up, you've done the right thing, move on. Laurence2 is correct

[RSS_82]

thanks very much both of you. He does work, really hard, 7 days a week at the moment. To be fair, he doesnt sit around smoking all day, its about twice a week with his mates (he spent the other 4-5 nights with me). I agree so much with the comment about me wasting my breath asking him to stop when i am still prepared to have a relationship with him. I have read up on the internet about the adverse effects of weed and amotivational syndrome which is what I think he is suffering from.
Its so nice to get support from people who can See what i can, his friends just think i'm mithering him and talking rubbish x

[ChuffingHell]

I share exactly the same attitude as you RSS. There was me thinking I was alone in the universe on this one!!

I think you did the right thing. Ignoring my personal opinion on drugs here, you have a completely different opinion to him on this. And it's not one of those things that I think you should have to put up with if you don't want to. In the same way, you can't expect him to give up, unless he wants to

As to my opinion, I don't know if I could do what you've done in being accepting it (albeit not in your company) for as long as you did. I also think that, given that he knows your opinion on the matter, the fact he lit up around you last weekend says something about him.

Anyway, as to you wanting him to get help, if he's not stupid he'll know it's affecting him but if he doesn't want to do anything about it, he won't. It must be hard because you love him so splitting up is a very difficult thing to do but until he wants to stop, this will always be a real issue between the two of you and cause you so much unhappiness.

[teag1rl]

I got out of a situation like that and it was the best thing I'd ever done. I still loved the guy but he was taking mickey out of me with his incessant smoking, but i didn't help, by joining in on weekends. I made a clean break and never looked back. It will get better. Move on. Only he can make himself stop I'm afraid.

[laurence2]

What work does he do, reason i ask is, most jobs to drug screening/ random testing, this should be made compulsory with all work.

I,m glad your reading up to see the adverse effects it has, but the old saying with your EX you can't lead a horse to water and make him drink, he has to do it himself {motivation} if hes prepared to lose you because of his habit, he is not the man for you

Hope all works out well for you

[RSS_82]

I agree so much. I honestly thought for so long that it was me overreacting and being controlling. Normally, I dont have a problem with people smoking it socially every now and then, but to actually buy the stuff and have a long term habit is'nt good. I have a really good job and career and I think he could too, if this wasnt holding him back.

we did get on so well, and have laugh so it seems like shame it's come to this. if he did stop, and get help then maybe I would get back with him but until then, like you say, if he doesnt want to stop then he wont. he's lost somene who loved him so much and surely weed isnt worth that? His mum and sisters have all been supportive and said that I have done the right thing, and so have my close friends. It's just a matter of taking it day by day and realising I'm better off without him. But if anyone does know of a good place to start for gettign help, I'd be grateful. even if we're not together, i still care about him enough to let him know where to go to get help. xx

[kimbro44]

Hi there, my boyfriend had a drugs problem which caused me about 2 years of misery - it was like living with a complete stranger most of the time. When i look back now i wonder why i stayed with him, supose i just loved him so much and had the belief he would stop. He did though and he hasnt touched anything for about 3 years now and life is really good. The only way he did manage to stop taking was to drop everyone out of his life that he associated with drugs - that included friends (although in my opinion they wasnt friends). When he first stopped he did have little binges now and then which were really upsetting for me but the periods between them became longer and longer until he stopped. I sometimes think i was a bit of a doormatt to stay with him and keep supporting him and im sure alot of people reading this will think the same. I do think you have done the right thing by leaving him as hopefully this will give him a push to change however if he stays around the other smokers i doubt he will ever stop.

[newtron]

Just to be fair, drugs affect different people in different ways. I know several people who smoke on a daily basis and still lead productive lives with good carreers. One of them is a well respected physics professor at a University. This may represent a minority of pot smokers, but they do exist.
I do think you made the right decision though. In any relationship, there will be things about your partner that you don't like, and you need to decide whether to accept these traits or not. It is obvious that you have have strong opinions about drug usage, and that is your right. Good luck.

[Mr Tall]

I have done my fair share of drug taking and still to dabble when I feel like it. However one of my closest friends has been sectioned twice and has been diagnosed with drug induced psychosis. The 2nd time he was sectioned he had only smoked a couple of pulls on a joint. Weird thing is he has done coke and pills since (not the smartest bloke considering his condition) and it doesn't seem to have the same damaging effect skunk has on him. Maybe you ex fella is strong in the mind and can handle it but why not smoke some hash instead.

[kick3m0n]

I'm with Mr Tall on this one, and I do speak as someone who used to smoke a fair bit, but now only enjoy the occasional spliff. Skunk is an entirely different kettle of fish to the more usual grass/weed or solid we get over here, it's potency is far higher, effects stronger and more lasting. If you're ex-boyfriend is using skunk regularly, there are a lot of issues that could arise. It's potent and the potential side affects are far greater than if he was smoking "normal" grass or resin.
I think you did the right thing, for you. If you're not happy with him as a smoker, yet he seems unwilling to stop if you ask him, then you're best to walk away. Hopefully he'll re-assess his priorities someday soon and maybe think about getting help to stop. You could point him in the right direction but really, just like any other addict, be it drink, drugs or gambling etc, he has to first recognise that his habit is actually a problem, and it doesn't sound like he's at that stage yet. Good luck.

[kipchik]

My old man,smokes every night,it gets too me big time,i used too many years ago,i had it bad,but i grew up had my kids and havent touched it for 19 years now,he does and refuses to see how it affects him,I can see,its made worse by the drinking he does too.Compromises dont work,short sharp shocks do,just a pity it has to be that way,men do tend to have a '2 rules' philosophy,one for them and one for her,shame!

[RSS_82]

Its nice to see both sides of the coin on this one. The thing that concerns me is that now we've split up, he isnt going to do anything about it, beacuse why should he? I was hoping that it might shock him into doing something about it but i now doubt it severely. Maybe I should have stayed with him and helped him through it but I doubt that would have worked. I do know people who smoke a bit of the stuff and are still fairly motivated, but i think he is so laid back anyway that it just exaggerates that side of his personality.

[newtron]

Personally, I don't think you've given enough information for me to make a judgement about this person who I do not know. You say he works hard. That takes some motivation and should count for something. That is why I answered your question above purely based on the fact that he likes to smoke and you can't accept that . Fair enough. As far as trying to help him, maybe he doesn't want help. That's his perogative. Who knows, he might meet a girl who also likes to partake of the herb, and they will live happily stoned ever after. That's my opinion.

[RSS_82]

I wasnt asking for anyone's judgement, just whether they had been through anything similar to me and how they dealt with it, thats all. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and some of the comments have made me look at things in a slightly different way. Surely thats the whole point of discussing things.

[newtron]

I hope I didn't offend you. I didn't mean to. I know you didn't ask for judgement, but many people made them just the same. I think somebody even called him a loser. And everyone also seems to assume that he needs help. I am merely suggesting that maybe he does not need help. Good luck on everything.