Do I Leave?

[Darcy26]

Ok so iv been with my partner 4 years I have a child from a past relationship and he's been there since she was 2 she also sees her dad but she treats my partner as another father figure. Everything was good until we bought a house together and as I didn't have the money he put all the deposit down and since this it's been all different, I have never felt like it's my home and to be fair iv never been made to feel this way. We have no money troubles what so ever as we both have very good jobs but he's constantly moaning about the heating on, he will come in and turn the fire off and it's like it's to be awkward and make me realise it's not my house, so we split up I moved out with my child into a rented property... He apologised said he was wrong and I was reluctant as I had moved on in this 6 month apart and I wasn't sure if I still had feelings for him.. Anyway I moved back in and told myself to stop being selfish and think about how happy my child would be and how settled he would be again.. It's now been another 6 months and I completely and utterly hate this man... He is arrogant, rude, talks to people like crap, he bores me and we haven't so much as kissed for months... We don't talk because if we do we bicker... My child sees none if this and is unbelievably happy and has told everyone he's not moving ever again. I spoke to my family and iv been told to basically shut and and put up and make it work but I'm miserable I just want to be at work I hate coming home... I'm completely on my own with this and I'm stuck in what I should do? Do I think of my child n just carry on living like nothing wrong and crying constantly because of how stuck I feel and just tell myself to get on with it, it's life or do I go and lose my family as they think I'm wrong for upsetting my child and have to move into a rented house which is also looked down on in my family.

[saintpeter48]

Get out asap! Why be unhappy just to please a few members of family, they are NOT in your situation. As for your child, children are very resiliant and will adapt to most situations, a year or two down the line the child will have moved on in mind and body, as will you. This is not 1954 it is 2014, get out and be happy, you know it makes sense. Good luck. x

[Brinjal]

If you are not happy then leave. Children adjust why should you live with someone you don't even like.

[pixie373]

Definitely leave. your child will be happy, if you are.

[Cloverjo]

I agree with everyone else. Life is too short. Your child will adjust in time.

[ummmm]

How old is the child?

Leave....

Anyone who looks down on someone for renting isn't really worth worrying about.

Staying with someone who makes you feel like that will only get worse.

What are his good points?

[DaisyNonna]

Go. It is your life and your family has no right to tell you what to do. Your child sees its own father so has a male presence in life. As your child gets older the tension and your mood will become apparent. Why should you be looked down own for living in rented property? Millions do it.

[Darcy26]

My child's 6 and the only reason iv stayed so long is because I don't see why I should tear his life apart for my own selfishness. His good points are that he treats my child as his own and they love each other. My family do look down on me as I got pregnant at 20 and iv only just got myself into a carer with still along way to go with uni at night times after work and all my generation in our family have brilliant careers own property they rent out, restaurants and I'm basically made to feel as though I can't even hold down my relationship to benefit my child. I do want to leave so badly but I feel guilty and worried I'll be alone as my family will be disgusted.

[pixie373]

They'll get over it, Darcy. It sounds as though they have a lot of reasons to be proud of you. They will see it one day. Until then, keep your friends that support you. It's your life.

[ummmm]

Your child will be fine. The best thing for him is a happy mummy.

Don't let your family make you feel like that. You and your son are the most important people.

Not everyone has the same aspirations.

[joko]

do they know what hes like? if you tell them all about it maybe they wont be so into him

[2sp_]

It's not selfish to want to be happy.

I know you are staying for the sake of your son, but he will be fine if you split! He will grow up with a much healthier attitude to relationships if you leave your partner and (hopefully) find someone you want to be with, than if you stay in a miserable loveless relationship.

You deserve to be happy, and your son deserves a happy mummy.

[mazie]

You need to do what is right for you. What makes you happy and makes you feel complete again. If that is being on your own, then that's what you need to do. Your child will adapt, they always do. Good luck with whatever you choose to do Darcy. x

[DaisyNonna]

He is not your husband, not your child's father and you say you hate him. Do not stay merely to allow your family to have their way.

[sherrardk]

I think you should leave for the same reasons as others have said. I find your family's attitude disgusting to be honest, it sounds like some of them are in a position to help you but they choose to disparage you instead. You should congratulate yourself for continuing with your education and wanting to achieve bigger and better things. Good luck, but you won't need it, x

[andres]

Do you have a boy or a girl ?You keep changing the sex.

[Darcy26]

Boy sorry my phone changed my words. Thank you for all your advice I just needed to hear what other people would do in my situation when children are involved. You have all been very helpful thank you.

[murraymints]

I agree...soonest the best for all in the long term...you only have one life, live to make yourself happy and not your judgmental family , they will come round, and your child will be happy if you are...

[Dee Sa]

go Darcy go, sooner or later your child will realise the tension in the home and that you are terribly unhappy, she may have some idea already. Some men do change once you live together, listen to your gut feeling and act on it, asap don't listen to the sweet talk to stay its not going to work, listen to other people on here and get out, you know its the only way, and good luck for a new start.

[lcg]

your family are being ridiculous and sound a nightmare (and you do not live with them!!!). do what makes you happy, be a good mum to your child and quit now before you waste any more time. life is not a dress rehearsal, it is a live show and goes by very quickly. the more time you waste with this immature, controlling man and on pleasing everybody else, the more you will regret it. and do not live your life dominated by your child. people do this and it is poor parenting. he will fit in wherever you go and whoever you are with. as long as you show him unconditional love, provide for him, give him boundaries and allow him to develop into the child he wishes to be, whatever you do will be wrong. your child already knows you are unhappy and is also probably secretly unhappy too. and don't waste time worrying what others think or tell you you should be doing. get on with it and tell them to sod off if they don't like it. who are your family to judge? i got up the duff at 16, wasted my expensive education and got into loads of trouble when iwas younger and my family never let me forget. i was deeply unhappy and it caused mental health issues - i so wished i had chosen my own path through life instead of wanting to please others who set impossible standards and give conditional love - imho.....it is the worst kind of love.

[CakeyBoi_Riley]

If your child doesn’t notice now, they will eventually, at it’ll be worse on them. Plus that added fact that your not happy is a clear indicator that you need to leave. If you explain, your child might understand, or they might not. It’s better than staying somewhere with someone that can have a negative effect on you and your child. I suggest you leave, the guy seems like not a good match anyways. It’s always advisable to think of you and your child’s happiness before anything else. I wish you the best of luck.