Beside Myself And Clueless

[Samiam71]

I'm a 48 yrs old wife and mother. I have had a lifelong struggle to have a loving relationship w my mom. 3 yes ago, I lost my dad, was beyond devastating, but at the same time felt a closeness to my mom, I always long for. First month, though grieving, we were closer than in years, then enters my brother, who has lived off my parents his whole life, I'm thinking feeling some kind of threat to his livelihood, became unbearable and viscous towards me. My mother does nothing to intervene. Mind you, this is all happening at her home. I was so hurt, I've walked away. I find it to painful to even have a phone call with her. What am I to do?

[Canary42]

Having been in a similar position, I sympathise.

I managed to maintain a good relationship with my mother and generally ignored my (step)brother's behaviour, but it wasn't easy until the selfish brat finally left home (at 45) and got his own house (with a heavy subsidy from Mum in addition to all his savings from sponging off her for years).

Such unfairness does irk, but grin and bear it is all you can do I'm sorry to say. Your Mum is precious to you in spite of her failure to see what a bum your brother is - and you won't change this.

[woofgang]

honestly....what do you WANT to do?

[pixie374]

Personally, I would continue to keep the relationship, as you have. Ignore your brother... it doesn't matter whether he has lived off them or not... just think of you and your mum xx

[Old_Geezer]

Can only ignore your brother's behaviour. One can't make someone act courteously. Your mother likely loves you both and wants to avoid taking sides.