Double Murder At Tesco

[retrocop]

Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the sole beneficiary and then arrange to have her killed.



”A Friend of a Friend”, put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure that went by the name of “Artie”. Artie explained to the husband that his going price for “Snuffing” out a spouse was £10,000.



The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn’t have any cash until ne could collect his wife’s insurance money. Arti insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single pound coin that rested inside.

Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to accept the pound as down payment for the dirty deed.



A few days later, Artie followed the man’s wife to the local Tesco supermarket. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle he with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly unto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.



However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the shop’s security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the premises.



Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.



(Hopefully you’ve stuck with the story so far, but you’re going to hate me for this)



The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared:



ARTIE CHOKES 2 for £1.00 @ Tesco

[Theland]

Mitigating circumstances would have been bog rolls and hand gel. :-)

[Ken4155]

:-)))

[teacher1]

lol

[iluvmargie]

Thanks for that, gave me a good, much needed laugh.

[Togo]

Haha Retro....reminds me of the Newspaper headline after a pair of escapees from the local asylum raped two ladies doing their washing in the launderette then went on the run. The headline was

Nuts, screws, washers, and bolts.

[Togo]

Lol Ta Retro....

Then there was the overturned artic carrying prophylactics.

Condom truck tips over.....spills load.

[Patsy33]

Talk about going 'offer'...

[Hopkirk]

That's 2 minutes of my life I won't get back.

[gulliver1]

Similar to the nutter sitting on the wall of a lunatic asylum . Gardener walks past with a wheelbarrow full of horse muck , nutter says whats that for ? gardener replies . to put on my rhubarb , nutter replies come in here we have custard on ours . "the old jokes are the best".

[Ellipsis]

> you’re going to hate me for this

You're right ... BOGOF!