sisters!!!

[orange-gnome]

I avoid spending too much time with my sister because every time I see her she spends the time making horrible little comments about me then saying 'I'm joking', laughing at me if I don't agree with her etc We have always been VERY different and want different things from life but she sees this as a fault in me. When we inevitably have to spend time together I always leave feeling awful about myself, quite often tearful.
I never retaliate or even tell her that she's upsetting me... I can imagine that she would tell me that I am being stupid as she is 'only joking' but it never seems funny to me. Do I tell her that I hate spending time with her because of this? My brother thinks I should give her a taste of her own medicine but apart from the fact that I don't think it would help, I just don't want to make her feel the same way she makes me.
Any advice appreciated

[claireyfairy]

Do what other sisters would do (myself included) - give her a slap!

[claireyfairy]

Seriuosly - just have a word, if she still tries to make you feel bad just keep telling her that you don't find her comments funny, just upsetting, then do as your brother says and give her a taste ofher own medicine to prove your point. You might not want to makle her feel bad but sometimes it's the only way to get through to people.

[kissyfur]

I can totally relate to you, my sister has just started working at the same place as me. I have been here for 6 years and she has waltzed in brown nosed everyone and constantly tells me in doing things wrong and tells my boss when I have made a mistake. Parts of me feel that She resents the fact this is my part time job untill I graduate, and she knows that she is stuck in this career for good. I got to the point where she wound me up so much I sat her down and told her, she listened very well as she could see it was upsetting me. Id say talk to your sister and explain to her how you are feeling. Im sure she will understand x

[electricblue]

She probably does that to you to take her mind off the fact that she feels inferior to you,by picking at you she doesnt have to face the fact,the more she knows you feel how you do,the more she'll get out of it,sorry gnome but i think you WILL have to give her a slight taste of her own medicine like your bro says,nothing really horrible but enough to allow her to see that she is the one with the problem and that being nasty to you doesnt change that fact!

[Lore]

My sister's the same. we were both brought up very differently, I'm 33 she's 17 and still she finds great joy in telling me how much better than me she thinks she is. Everything's a competition with her.. height, weight, bust size, dress size, shoe size.. everything!

I always dread being with her, if we could just have a normal conversation without - 'what size are your boobs again?' comment, I'd be happy!

I think we just have to accept that they need to find their place in the family and if being this way makes them feel like they fit into a higher rank in the pecking order, then there's little else we can do other than to put up with it.
She'll grow up........ one day!

[Champagne]

I once had to confront my sister over her atitude. She had a tendency to get involved in issues which didn't concern her and always chose to disagree with me to the point of snubbing me on two separate occasions for quite a long time. When we made up after the second major incident, I talked to her about it and in no uncertain terms told her that if she did it again she would no longer be my sister. She was a bit shocked but I think she understood that I couldn't deal with the hurt so she didn't question my reasons. We've been fine ever since and now I can officially categorize her as a friend as well as my sister.

I think you need to do the same with your sister. If you really can't do it face-to-face then write her a letter.

[Morticiah]

ohhh ... I do know how you feel! I put up with this sort of things for YEARS and then eventually one day I told her .... rather abruptly!

and she didn't speak to me for YEARS! lols Which wasn't a loss at all - it was actually really nice not having the stress of dealing with her.

I was just wondering if maybe your brother could have a word - he might be able to point out that 'other' people could perhaps perceive some of her comments as hurtful and nasty, and that maybe she needs to wind her neck back in a bit?

Good luck,

Mort

[warpig1]

My sister is always making comments or snide remarks about me which I find very hurful and like you I have never retaliated as 1. I don't want to stoop to her level and 2. I dont want to hurt her. The thing I dont understand and that bugs me most of all is that this happens in front of family members and no one seems to bat an eyelid so third and finally I think maybe I am being over sensitive and paranoid. I guess the old adage is right 'you can choose your friends but you cant choose your family'.

[sam82]

Im the older sister and never once thought i would have made my brother upset, if anything im very proud of him and wouldnt wish for anyone else for a brother.

But one day, which seemed just like the way we always behaved towards each other, he turned round and said

" who needs an enemy, when i have a sister like you"

i was very upset, i never mentioned it to him, but went away and thought about how i must treat him for him to say something like that.

Well i realised maybe i wasn't showing my brother how much i appreciated him and how proud i was off him.

we didnt sit down and talk about it, but i just started treating him better, i always thot we got on well, but it just shows you how wrong i was. As we get on so much better and when i invite him out with us he says "yes" where b4 he would never have came out with me and my friends.

i would talk to her, she is your sister and will care for you.

[saxy_jag]

Seems like vile sisters aren't so uncommon. Mine's eight years older than me (she's 54, I'm 46) and thinks I'm an airhead.
You see, although I have two grown up kids and a very happy, 27-year marriage, I don't behave myself. I go out rocking it up with bands, hitching rides on motorbikes and flirting with blokes. I only work part-time and gave up a full time job so that I could spend time at home writing books, even though I'll probably never be properly published. Last year I swanned off to the states on my own to visit my beloved cousin.
Sis, however, wouldn't do anything like that, so therefore I'm doing wrong, in her eyes. She is a very straight-laced, sour-faced old goat and lives only to earn (and keep) money. She's currently working on the ensnarement of a third husband. Fortunately she has no kids.
This, orange-gnome, is where I draw my comfort. It took that beloved cousin to tell me (he dislikes her as much as I do, so I know it's not just me) that when we're all old and grey, he and I will have our kids and a whole bunch of people who want to be our friends because we actually have the time of day for people other than ourselves and aren't old miseries 99% of the time. This is something she won't have. She will, he says, die a very miserable, lonely old lady.

[orange-gnome]

Thanks for all your advice everyone. I think that maybe I should try and talk to her. She is a very slefish person and has little time for anyone else, although she pretends that its not the case but I'll just have to see how it goes when I try telling her how nasty she is being.

[orange-gnome]

oops thats *selfish* not slefish... coz that wouldn't make sense!! : )