12yr old daughter's; are they the spawn of Satan?

[cherrybomb]

my daughter has been asking if she can have her belly button pierced. I really don't want her to have it done; plus I think, 12 is too young. She asked me this earlier in the year and made such a fuss when I said, not until she was 15 that in the end I compromised and reduced the age to 14. In the summer the same thing, and I compromised again; by letting her have the top of one ear pierced.

She is still awake, stomping around upstairs, after telling me that I am the worst mother in the world. I know I am going to suffer for this, but I am determined not to give in this time.

Do you agree ?

She thinks it will make her more fashionable.

Thanks for your opinions.

[Gnisy]

hi cherrybomb,

Getting ears pierced are pretty un'taboo' stuff as long as the earrings don't weight down her ears and make them sag before she turns 21 ( be sure to tell her that ).. but belly button piercing is not something I'd suggest to any 12 year olds.

Children tend to try to find an identity for themselves around their pre-teen years and sadly, some of the resources they look into are fashion magazines and their peers. The thing they neglect to see is the consequences of doing what they think will make them more accepted in the crowd or fashionable in any sense.

I believe as a mother, it is your responsibility to let her know of these consequences e.g. the pain afterwards, the likelihood of getting infection that could leave long-term scars and the money YOU will forever be spending on accessories to keep HER still 'fashionable'. In the last case, try to get her to start helping around with the household jobs or get a part-time job outside.

If she's old enough to get piercings, she should be old enough to pay for the service fee.

Compromise not on the age where you will let her get her way but on how she will be allowed to handle herself if you let her get more piercings. Maybe tell her you won't hear of low-cut jeans and tops that reveal her bare-belly ( which is where i think her next fashion craze will be ).

And lastly, GO with her for the piercing session ( that will usually make teenagers back out voluntarily ).

Rather than calling them spawn of Satan ( she must have ****** u off if you would bear to call children that ), why not help ease their transition into teenhood and adulthood. It will be better, for you and your daughter, to be there when she needs you than for her to turn to other people who have their own agenda when she needs help or answers.

Best of luck.

[Chessman]

If you can get a copy of yesterdays Mail, or maybe access it online, a story there of a young lady who had her a ring put in her tongue. I know its not the belly, but the same thing can happen, it nearly killed her, would have done but for the hospital she went to. maybe you can show her that, with explanations, and good luck with her.

[camille79]

I think cherrybomb's advice is excellent but I'd just like to add that when I got my bellybutton pierced (at the grand old age of 18!) it took a year for it to heal properly and I've since been told that this is the norm. It's also the easiest piercing to get infected as it isn't exposed to air and can be aggravated by clothes etc. Also, it MUST be cleaned religiously twice a day until it heals to avoid infections and is generally a pretty high maintenance piercing.

I'd also question whether any respectable piercer would pierce a 12 YO. I'm sure it's like tatoos - you need to be a certain age.

[haysi06]

cherrybomb

I agree that it is far too young - also it would just encourage her to wear clothes to show it off!

I'd say 16 is the right age - tho i didnt get mine done until i was 37!

[woofgang]

I know that some schools ban earrings either all the time or when playing sport, so suggest that any piercings wait till the long summer holidays!

As the others have said, she is a child, stand your ground

yes 12 yo girls are the spawn of satan I know I was, save up all those embarassing moments and "she poohed her pants in public" stories and let it all out at her wedding or any other big event, tell her that you will do this. If it doesn't make her think twice, at least you will have a nice warm feeling looking forward to it!!

[jake-the-peg]

That's so familiar- I have a 12 year-old daughter too!

Mine too stamps upstairs and slams the door - If it doesn't make enough noise she slams it another couple of time for additional effect - You can't be the worst mother in the world because she's told me that we are the worst!

Remember that this is probably a symptom of insecurity, girls can be so vicious in their little cliques, as you say she probably thinks she'll get kudos (cred, cool whatever) from this. What you and I know is it's an "arms race" where nobody wins and would probably lead to more and more ostentacious requests - tongue piercing next?

You're right she'll make you suffer but you have to draw the line in the sand and this sounds like a good place.

Best of luck and just remember don't laugh (12 year old girls hate that :c) )

[aka pixi]

hi everyone,

my daughter is now 19 (she nagged and nagged for her belly button piercing and i think she was about 14 when she had it done) I already had mine done and she used this as a weapon against me. The only reason she wanted it doing was cos all her friends had it done. She had to take it out when she was pregnant and has never bothered having it re pierced. Mine took about 9 months to heal and was very sore and painful a lot of the time.

The descriptions on here of your daughters sounds very familiar, mine used to stomp down the hallway shouting a long drawn out godddddddddddddddddddd at the top of her voice which didnt end til she was in her bedroom. Even now shes nearly 20 she still acts like the spawn of satan sometimes. Take heart they all leave home eventually lol

[mimififi]

Ahhhhh, poor her you are really ruining her life you know not letting her carry out her whimsy mutilation. How will she ever find a husband, or get a job.? She wont pass her exams now you know if she doesnt have any piercings.....NOT!

You are her caring mother. It is inapprporit for her to have this done. You have compromised beyond belief, if she is going to continue to sulk, then maybe a removal of another privaledge might focus her mind into realising that there is someone being unreasonable here and it certainly isnt you! What do the school rules say about this? I thought body piercing shops siad you had to be 16 to have that done???And also, the other risks the other pisters have made, would make me think twice.

There is absolutely no way on this earth I would let my tweeny have one done, and frankly the more bamboozled she made me feel, the higher the age I would impose. You are doing the right thing. dont give in, else, what will it be next???? stick to your guns, you are the adult, and she is a child (and at the moment, she is being plain naughty!)

help her to know herself encourage her to set her own style...set her owm trends. show her she doesnt have to follow the crowd. Maybe find some more appropriate role models. What are her interests? see if you can capitalise on them??

Good luck, teenage daughters can be...well I wont even go there! but, Id rather have 10 teenage sons, than 4 daughters!

[mimififi]

sorry Pisters should read, clearly, posters.....

In my defence, I was feeding the baby with the other arm and typing with half a chopstick clenched between my teeth... sorry. You are not pisters at all!

[Morrisonker]

I'm not an authority on the subject at all, but I didn't think peircings were fashionable at all anymore. And most of my friends are of the 'alt' crowd where body mods are pretty common.

Doesn't a child have to be 16 to get a piercing on their body, or is that just without parental consent? Buy the time she can legally go on her own she'll probably have outgrown the idea. I'd try and talk to her properly, ask her why she thinks it'll be more fashionable. Remind her it's winter now so she wouldn't be able to have her stomach on show so it's a waste of time. That should buy you 6 months or so. If all else fails tell her exactly why you don't want her to have it; if you think it looks cheap, tell her. She might pretend she doesn't want or need your opinion but you'd be surprised.

[Scarlett]

She is feeling desperate to fit in and be "cool" with her mates. The belly button piercing is a like a tribal thing- it shows that you are cooler than others in your group, or equal to those who also have it. However, 14 is really young, and she needs to cherish her childhood a bit more, I feel. I am not a parent, but 16 seems to the right age for this. Don't keep compromising! 16 is fair.

[cherrybomb]

What great answers you have all given me.

Thanks very much for your help. I have got lots of ammunition for the inevitable battle after school. (I got the silent treatment this morning).

[ursula62]

In case it helps, my niece wanted this done (she's 16). My sister said no, but they went shopping and found some belly button jewellery you can wear without a piercing. I think they got it from Clares Accessories. Why not suggest you take her shopping to see if you can find something similar?

[sandrajo]

Hi cherrybomb, my daughter got hers done at 13 as she turned a teenager we gave in, in the end, she has had no bother with it at all and has a small collection of belly bars, now we just have to listen to her going on about a tattoo....................and that is a definite no.

[cherrybomb]

sandrajo I had to laugh when I read your post. My daughter and I are at peace. I let her read the earlier postings and told her that she would need my consent as 12 is too young and I would not give my consent.

By bedtime she had calmed down and we were friends again. I have just got out of the shower and as I crept past her bedroom she said... mum, can I have a tattoo instead then?

[mullein3]

I told my daughter she wasnt allowed to have hers done either when she was a teenager ..but she just went behind my back and had it done anyway..and of course she hid it so i didnt know for ages..she also had her nose done but i could see that and made her remove it..their was a right rumpus in the house ...I hated her being a teenager she was awfull...she is 27 now and we get on really well but from 13 to 17 we were at war!! and we are both stubborn so it was hell!! she threw a school bag at me once in a temper tantrum..i was not amused..anyway she is getting it back now as her son is 3 and and as stubborn as they come and is giving her a hard time allready..we were quite strict with her especially about going out at night we only let her go out on a saturday and had to be in early..we were right in some ways and when all her friends left school and she stayed on to do a levels their bad influence wasnt their and it became easier..

[sandrajo]

Kids eh, well you have to be 18 by law for a tattoo, in Scotland anyway. Good Luck talking her out of this one, i think you'll need it. lol

[Emmie77]

i was 12 when i got my belly pierced and it had no negative effects on me.... at the time i felt it made me more individual and it healed up fine....to be honest i dont see what the fuss is...after all its just a hole if you look at it in relation to other problems.