from my emails (I hope the AB asterisk robot sorts this out)
TO ALL STAFF REGARDING BAD LANGUAGE
It has been brought to the management's attention that some individuals have been using foul and abusive language during the execution of their duties. Due to complaints from some of the more sensitive staff, this type of language can no longer be tolerated.
However, the management realizes the importance of staff being able to express their feelings when communicating with other employees. To this end, our Human Resources department has compiled a list of code phrase replacements so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without offence to our more easily offended employees. The phrases are as follows:
Absolutely no f**king chance
I'm fairly sure that's not feasible
You lying ****
Are you quite sure about that?
Tell someone who gives a f**k
Have you informed the management about that?
It's got f**k all to do with me
I don't think I was involved in that project
Shove a brush up my arse and I'll sweep the f**king floor as well
Would you like me to do that for you as well?
Am I the only **** here
Would someone else care to answer the telephone
You haven't got a f**king clue
Perhaps you need a little more training in this
This place has gone to rat ****
The office is looking a little untidy
Eat **** and die mother f**ker
I think I mentioned that this might happen
You over paid **** for brains
You're my boss and I respect that
F**k off smart arse
Well-done
She's a ball-busting bitch
She's a full time career woman