Secret Vaper

[Hooby]

Last year I picked up on the fact that my partner was secretly vaping. I thought no more of it until a few months back when I noticed he was doing it more. I gently talked to him and said I have no issue with it and that I'd just prefer him not to be secretive, as we've always had a really close, trusting, loving relationship. He got annoyed ( which is unlike him ), he dismissed it and says he's fine then turned it around onto me saying I should just worry about myself. I think he may be embarrassed or in denial of an addiction but I don't know what to do. I feel there's an issue that needs addressing but he won't acknowledge it or listen to my concern so I say nothing now and try to carry on as normal. Its also made me feel insecure as it's his house and I could be homeless if he changed. Please give me your take on it, am I worrying over nothing? I've no one to talk to. Thank you.

[CrapAtCryptics]

I`m a very literal person so if he`s attempting to hide something as relatively trivial as this what else does he have hidden. Vaping does have health issues and probably more as yet not understood consequences. Your path is your choice but I`d move on if he`s not listening.

[Hooby]

Thanks for your advice. I don't think there is anything more sinister he has hidden as he always wants to be with me and has no secrets on his phone - he's hardly on it. I'm thinking he has an addiction to nicotine and is embarrassed or in denial. I think he's hiding how much he does it rather than the vaping itself. I can't just leave - I'd be homeless.

[ladybirder]

Sounds like you don't have a choice Hooby, just let him get on with it. My daughter has been doing it for about 8 years and I hate it but I am wasting my time trying to talk her out of it so I've stopped. I hope she decides to give it up herself one day. Good luck to you. xx

[Hooby]

Thanks. Maybe so. I don't want to be homeless. We have a loving relationship otherwise. I'm saddened he can't be open about this. :-(

[MallyJ]

I think you need to work out a back up plan in case you do need to move...I am not , for one moment, suggesting that secret vaping will end your relationship but I always worry about people who are dependent on others so they are forced to behave as they are told to through fear of, for example, being homeless. I used to attempt to hide my smoking from my husband ... having given up for health reasons I am now acutely aware that I must have smelled like a bonfire a lot of the time so he knew all the way along.....