not interested in sex anymore

[Gemba100]

i have been with my partner for 4 yrs and our sex life is pants. When we first got together we were so active in that department. But i'm bored of it, i know how it will start, whats in the middle and what it will end like. Dont get me wrong, i'm still a horny chick, but the thought of sleeping with him, turns me off - to the point where i have to make up excuses "i'm knackered...!" however when i think of other people, who i am attracted to, my imagination goes into overdrive! How do I get back the healthy sex life we used to have? I love him in every other way, but sex is just the same..... i know if i approach the subject with him, he'll just get all stressy, so i could do with some ideas that will help us, but not the 'talking/discussion' type...maybe some ideas on how to re-spice up the experience for both of us.

[maviscoull]

maybe you just need to spice it up abit. maybe you could try it in different rooms and different times of the day and night. try having a bath or shower together, get up to no good in the middle of cooking.....anything !!

[suzi-q]

Cant you try starting from the middle - if you see what I mean. Not from start. Change the routine. Just surprise him with a blow job or something. If you can bring yourself to. Maybe once you start you will enjoy it too.

Or look at some naughty web sites together. You could just pretend that one popped up while you were surfing and see if he enjoys looking at it. Then take it from there.

[Octavius]

I would guess that your boyfriend feels the same, so although you say you don't want to talk about it, I think you need to for the sake of the relationship.

From another Q&A website..........

Do you really have no imagination? Is your boyfriend truly too unwilling or shy to give ideas? Maybe you need the confidence to express yourselves freely and experiment with your sexuality without feeling embarrassed. So forget about doing any physical experimentation for the time being, and instead see if you can find more ways to talk about and explore each other's thoughts and fantasies.

You can get the discussion going in a number of ways. For example, you can choose and watch some adult sexuality education videos together or rent some erotic movies. Talk about what you see in the movies, and how you feel. What turns each of you on and off? What is appealing to you in fantasy, but might be unappealing to you in real life? Or, how about some books to spur your imaginations? Zillions of how-to books are available that offer ideas for spicing up one's sex life. There are also some beautiful sensual books you might want to look at, such as The Pillow Book. Read them together or read them aloud to each other and see what is inspiring, appealing, or exciting to each of you.

No one needs to feel pressured into doing anything. The discussion is what's important, as well as learning about one another and finding comfortable possibilities to think about and explore.

[metagirl]

try some role play or try to be spontaneous in the way suzi-q mentioned - that usually works with men but I don't know if it will get you excited, too?

[mattie]

You don't say if you have got children, if so try arrange to have them stay with a grandparent for example.

Book a night in a hotel, needn't be expensive, just go to www.laterooms.com - there are plenty of bargains to be found.

Or stay at home and invest in some "adult" movies. Visit www.tabooxxx.co.uk and do a search for Jill Kelly, she has produced some films designed for couples, I bet you don't watch the whole film.

Invest in some "toys".

[Amber1571]

Go shopping...... the best money a gal can spend, and if he is sometimes not in the mood, you can do a bit of DIY...

[Amber1571]

.......and when I say go shopping I don't mean to Tesco, I mean to some horny sex shop...