in limbo

[ingram]

me and my partner have been together for 8years.
we have always shared a loving but turbulant relationship,but recently he bought his own house and asked me to give my flat up and move in,i tried this for a few weeks,however keeping my flat on,whilst living with him we had many arguments regarding money and chores.I did all of the decorating,paid for some of furniture,whilst also keeping the house clean and buying all the food,he didnt feel this was enough he also wanted me to contribute towards the biils.
he also likes to have a binge on drink and drugs every so often,he does not go out and do this he does it at home.

[libby1980]

How old are you? Do you have any kids?

[ingram]

no kids libby in 30's.

[crete]

i dont wish to sound harsh but dont give up your flat . you may require it in the future.

[laurence2]

Love the simple questions.

Ingram, hes taking you for a complete idiot, your effectively funding his lifestyle, be it decorating, cleaning etc, are you a decorator/cleaner?

And the drugs, well the less said the better on that subject, the worrying bit about your relationship tho is, you,ve been with him 8 YEARS so their either must be something their or you just seem to put up with it, i suspect the latter.

Personally, you don't seem compatable, well at least living under the same roof anyway, i'll think VERY CAREFULLY about where you want to be in the next 8 YEARS, ie with or without him?

[PinkFizz]

does he earn more than you? If he wants you to pay equal shares ask him to put your name on the mortgage then!

[libby1980]

i think there is a part of you which knows the answer - that you aren't sure enough about him. like you say you are in limbo and it's very hard to settle if you haven't decided either way. I think you should either give up your flat and give things a go, or keep yours and ask him what he thinks the future holds for you two.

[ingram]

I'v said to him i will move in with him if he put's my name on the mortgage pink fizz, and of course i would go halves with every thing,but the problem is he put �8000 into the mortage ,i know that's his money as he tell's me and i would'nt take that away from him under any surcumstances. he say's it is not possible for me to be put on the mortgage.

[PinkFizz]

well Im sorry Imgram,but it sounds as though Laurence has oour guy sussed - he wants help with all the bills,shopping,decorating,but its all his house - hello???

[laurence2]

So he can't put you on his morgage, but YOU can contribute to HIS morgage by paying some kind of rent, its as if hes renting a room out to YOU

[ingram]

Sorry i meant to say he put in �80,000.It seem's seem's you lot think i'm a right nutter ,so i must be.

[Pippa68]

As the others have suggested, it's a bit of a no-brainer isn't it? get out of there & be independent..don't let him take you for a ride any longer!

[Champagne]

I had a boyfriend like that once. He was a couch potato and pot-head, and wasn't too tidy either. I moved in with him and he went through a turbulent time with work so I started paying more towards the mortgage etc. It was his flat and I was paying the majority for months. We rowed about it and one day he suggested we sat down and went through the finances as he could see I obviously thought I was being ripped off. After working it out I found out that I was also paying for his loan!! HAHAHAHA!! I was gobsmacked!!

We put things straight though and it really cleared the air. Generally he was a great person and very supportive of me and very loving. But you simply can't live off somebody like that. It's destructive.

[ingram]

When he does go on a drug and booze binge it stops him going to work which it did this weekend and and many times before, this causes more argument's. I wish there was a magic spell that i could use to get him out of my head.

[crete]

ingram, why are you wasting your time on a loser like him you know you deserve much better or you would have given up your flat immediately to move in with him . being on your own without a partner is not the worse thing in the world , until you meat someone who deserves you in the future.

[laurence2]

ingram, their is a magic spell, its you saying BYE BYE.

I know it sounds a little callous, but taking time of through drink/drugs is bad news, eventually leading to dismissal, then what happens?

You know what i,m getting at.

[ingram]

I know what you are saying laurence ,he's not a bad person and tell's me he loves me and want's to be with me. Here i go again .Sorry if i'm boring you all.

[Pippa68]

You aren't a nutter ingram (believe me, I should know ;o) maybe a little misguided..and you are in love, so I don't blame you for getting involved in this & putting up with it for a while.

I do believe laurence is right ~ you need to move on, reclaim what is yours and stop bolstering this guy. He needs to grow up..or get a housekeeper and/or lodger. Be true to yourself!

[laurence2]

your not boring us/me ingram, i,m not sure tho where/your going with this, i appreciate that he loves you etc etc, but i honestly believe you & him should'nt be moving in with each other yet, i,ve seen it happen to many times with broken hearts at the end of it, of course i,m not saying it can't/won't work, but i do feel that alls not well in this relationship, you really do need to sit him down and discuss what paths you BOTH want to take in life

[angeldraws]

Hi Ingram - why not ask him wot he would think if it were the other way around and YOU owned the flat and HE moved in etc etc.....do you own the flat?? If so ya cud rent it out for a bit n see how it goes......or just dump him!!!