Bicycle jokes

[ethelburga]

Does anyone out there know any GOOD bike jokes! The ones I've found seem feeble so any suggestions would be appreciated.

[Caribeing]

Not so much a joke more an anecdote, when I worked in the Library we had a young lad come in one day and asked if we had any books on womens bicycles, I showed him the sports section BMX etc, he had a note from his mum but thought he would just remember what she wanted, I looked at the note and it said,any books on The Female Cycle.

[ethelburga]

Thanks for that. Perfect as I give talks and my recent one is entitled Velocipedes, or bikes etc and when I did it recent.y the feed back commented a...the odd joke wouldn't go amiss. So perfect..for male and female audiences!?

[DTCwordfan]

Your wife tells you the only way she'll let you ride across the country is over her dead body and you tell her, "If that's the case, you'll be my first speed bump!"

Why are you addicted to cycling: You no longer require a hankie to blow your nose.

You have stopped even trying to explain to your wife why you need two bikes ...you just go buy another one and figure it will all work out in the divorce settlement.

[DTCwordfan]

Seen this bumper sticker the other day:"If my wife let me ride her as much as I ride my bike, I'd be at home right now".

[DTCwordfan]

you can, of course, turn those ones around as to the sexual stereotyping......

[sidkid]

Or the man who was asked why he had his late wife buried in the back garden with her posterior exposed above the ground. "Well it means I can still see her lovely bottom every day....and I've got somewhere to park my bike......(cue bum bum comments...)

[MichaelZZ]

I've got a motorbike joke that I can share if you wish...

[Suetheramble]

Why wont a bike stand up on its own?
Its 2 tired.

Rubbish but the only bike joke I know.

[marval]

Alan is in court and standing in front of the magistrates after trying to argue his way out of his speeding ticket.

The magistrates find him guilty, fine him £80 and give him a receipt.

Alan, a bit upset by losing the case, sarcastically asks, 'What am I supposed to do with this, frame it?'

'No,' replies the head magistrate, 'You keep it. Two more and you can get a bicycle.'


'My dog Dennis is a real nuisance,' complained Will. 'He chases everyone on a bicycle. What can I do?'
'Take his bike away,' prompted Guy.

I took lessons in bicycle riding. But I could only afford half of them. Now I can ride a unicycle.

What is a ghost-proof bicycle?
One with no spooks in it.

My granny started cycling at 97 years old. She has been doing ten miles per day every day ever since - and now we don't know where the heck she is!

Mr White was furious when Mattie knocked him down with his new bicycle in the school yard.

'Don't you know how to ride that yet?' Mr White roared.

'Oh yes, sir,' shouted Mattie over his shoulder. 'It's the bell I can't work yet.'

[zebo]

Most of these are recycled.

[maggiebee]

Why can’t an elephant ride a bicycle?
Because he doesn’t have a thumb to ring the bell.

Which is the cheapest bicycle you can buy?
A penny-farthing

What is a ghost-proof bicycle?
One with no spooks in it.

[parkie]

A man sees the local Vicar walking around the village which is unusual because he is usually riding his bicycle.
"Where's your bicycle, Vicar?" Asks the man.
"I'm afraid someone has stolen it," says the Vicar. "But don't worry. I know how to get it back. Tomorrow, in church, I am going to preach on the Ten Commandments and when I get to 'though shalt not steal,' I will look round the congregation and see who has a guilty face."
"Good idea, Vicar," says the man. "That should get your bicycle back."
Two days later the man sees the Vicar riding his bicycle around the village.
"Ah. So it worked, did it Vicar?"
"Not quite," says the Vicar. "I did preach on the Ten Commandments like I said. But when I got to 'though shalt not commit adultery,' I remembered where I'd left my bike."