Mom-Daughter Relationship

[IMENA]

Why would a mother act cold, distant and ignoring towards me?I am a twin and I was raised by my grandma and my sister was raised by my mom. I was 5 months when she left me and 3 years old when I got back home. She was stressed and she could not raise us both. Now I am 31 years old and I am not married. My mom does not have a happy life with my father,but yet she wants me to marry so bad. They have both put so much pressure on me but I have not given in to that. On the other hand, I am happy with my life. I try to enjoy it and still save some money. I even help my parents financially. Yet, she is so distant, unrelatable and totally cold with me, no matter how hard I have tried to change that. She is different with my sister and my younger brother. I feel so bad sometimes even now that I am 31 and fully independent. When I was 12 I made a decision that they ( my parents) would never know how I feel, that I would never depend on them. Consequently I became so self- sufficient and very independent. My brother is not like that. He depends on my mom for almost everything even though he is 24. My sister is married and has a child so she has made them " happy".

[bednobs]

some people, for whatever reason or combination of reasons cannot be good parents. you are better off dealing with it surrounding yourself with people who can love you the way that you want than getting all bent out of shape about changing someone else. she just cant change

[barry1010]

Mother's aren't magically gifted with perfect parenting skills as soon as they become pregnant, if something is missing in their psyche it isn't automatically filled.
I'm sure your mother couldn't give you a proper explanation so it is impossible for strangers.
You have done remarkably well and should be proud of the adult you have become.
Give yourself true peace of mind by accepting the simple fact that your mother is a flawed human being as most of us are and you are no way to blame for the way things are.

[Canary42]

You can't have your cake and eat it - you made the choice at 12 (to be cold, distant and ignoring towards her), so no surprises she's the same with you. Live with it.

[pastafreak]

It seems you are behaving in the way you claim she is.