Dilemma

[loobie]

Right, I'm on form with my questions today!! I know there have been a couple of these on here this week already but my head is completely messed up. I've been with my bf for 5 years and I really don't think I feel what I should for him. A couple of weeks ago I was misinformed about him cheating on me and so we had a very dodgy night of sorting things out. The problem is, I kinda wasn't that bothered. I was upset at the thought of him doing it but I wasn't torn apart, or crushed. I just kinda didn't feel anything. There was a time when i could see us walking up the aisle and having kids but now I can't see that quite so clearly.
The thought of not having him in my life scares me but I don't know if that's just cause we've been together for so long.
Has anyone been through a similar thing and has it finished or worked out?? Thanks guys!! And sorry for the waffle!!!

[Champagne]

Been there before. If you don't end it now it will just drag on and worsen. The best thing you could do is be the stronger one in the relationship by ending it. If you do that now then you walk away with fond memories, as opposed to becoming embittered.

[4getmenot]

I agree with Champagne, you're only scared because its routine to you. And I dont want to make you feel worse but surely if he cheated on you he cant be that head over heals in love with you either.

[4getmenot]

Oh sorry just read the misinformed, so does this mean he didnt? or you not sure what he did?

[China Doll]

Not been through the same thing but I guess the question you need to ask yourself is if you love this guy enough to try and make things work? Do you actually want to finish or has the spark just gone? A friend of mine found themselves in the same position and her and her husband ended up going to relate. They found it very useful and are still together three years later (nine years in total).

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

xx

[loobie]

well i questioned him over and over and he insisted that he didn't. And I do believe him. I asked him last night if he is still in love with me and he said yes of course he is. That was by text. I'm seeing him tonight which scares the s**t out of me!!!

[4getmenot]

But if he were to ask you the same question what would you have put?

[888sally888]

I just think that if you dont feel that bothered he cant be the one for you. Also if your not sure after 5 years that doesnt sound good.

Sounds like you need to get out there with your friends and have some fun. 'The one' is there somewhere for you I am sure.

Oh and I do talk from experience of staying in relationshps that were going nowhere cos sometimes it seems easier. Be brave and good luck x

[4getmenot]

But theres always the old saying you dont know what you've got till its gone. And maybe its just because you are so used to it you dont really know how you feel.

[stylinsam]

hiya huns, me again!! iv been through something similar before and we did end it i just felt i didnt love him anymore!! your best bet is to talk it out with him babes, and if u ever need me e-mail u ! love yaxx

[loobie]

He did ask me 4getmenot!! I said that I feel like there's something missing and that I dunno whats going on in my head. Thanks for all your answers guys!! I guess my heads getting less screwed as the day goes on!!!

[loobie]

Oh god 4getmenot!! that just screwed it again hun!!!!! lol

[4getmenot]

Then I think maybe you need time to work on you rather than you as a couple. xx Have a break for a bit, then you will know. Good luck xx

[loobie]

Cheers hun, wise words as usual!!

And thanks Sam (even though your flashing orange on my screen at the mo on msn!!!)

[WendyS]

I think a lot of relationships can become a habit to the extent that it's easy to lose your own sense of identity. Perhaps the questions you should be asking yourself are:
Do I feel my life wouldn't be worth living without him? and
Do we still have the same things in common which we first had and are we still as compatible?.

If you weren't that bothered about the thought of him cheating on you, perhaps it's a subconscious wish that is giving you an excuse to break up a relationshyip which no longer has the same meaning as it used to, in which case it's probably time to summon up the courage to move on, or at least have a trial separation to sort out your true feelings.