When Someone Says ‘Don’t Buy Me A Xmas Present’…….!?

[Smowball]

My daughter, who I’ve not seen for a little while due to not being able to drive, and Covid/lockdowns, is in some kind of strop over god knows what, and has messaged me to say not to buy her or her bf Xmas presents. The last time I saw her I drove all the way to see her, stayed, saw her daughters(my grandchildren) and all seemed ok, tho she has always had a short fuse, stroppy nature(not just my opinion but those of her dad, all her brothers etc). Anyway I just ignore it. The last few times I’ve rang, and messaged she has completely ignored them. Didn’t even acknowledge the birthday present I sent in September, even tho I was very ill. Mr Smow even rang her when I was in hospital as I was so gravely ill the hospital advised him to contact my children, and she just said “and??”
To cut a long story short I messaged her last week yet again as I was trying to do some Xmas shopping online and I asked her for some ideas for the girls, and I actually got a reply, saying whatever u want but don’t bother with me. I had to reply and say look what on earth is the problem?? And she just kept repeating the same excuse which was the distance, tho she has never said that before.
I have never ever not bought her an Xmas present - so do I ignore her and buy something anyway, which she may well send back, or do I not buy one??
What would you do?
(BTW sorry for the long post, but I know I will get fair replies from you all x)

[curlygirlies]

Do you trust your partner? Maybe he's stirring it and maybe she never said what he said she said when you got ill. Unless yous two have had a falling out then it sounds like she's listened to gossip or something.

[AuntPG]

I would not go there Curly.......... :o)

[Redhelen72]

My mother was a manipulative pain in the backside, I used to get calls from her friends telling me all sorts of wicked things I had done none of which were true.
I used to travel every weekend to see her as she demanded it, she also thought it her right to lift her hand to me in my 20’s.
There are 2 sides to every story!

[Barsel]

Shirley, you are right, there are 2 sides to every story, but when in this case a mother doesn't know the daughters side of the story, it's vey difficult to do anything to solve the problem.

[Barsel]

Sorry, that was for Helen not Shirley. ^^^

[Redhelen72]

We are only hearing smowball side of the story, and I don’t want to get personal so will leave it there.

[pastafreak]

True, we are only hearing one side. But Smow has always come across as a caring, and proud mum.
But that's just my view...I tend to want to see the best in people.

[naomi24]

As far as I can make out Smow only knows one side of the story too... and that's the problem.

I have a friend who regularly stops speaking to her husband. Her silence has been known to last for months but she will never tell him why he's in the dog house. I say she should tell him - because if she doesn't he has no idea what he's done that's so wrong and no opportunity to put it right - but all she says he 'He knows!'

He doesn't.

[aelmpvw]

//I have a friend who regularly stops speaking to her husband//
he probably relishes the silence . . .

[pastafreak]

Her husband must be incredibly loyal...most would not put up with months of not speaking. Unless he enjoys it!! ;)

[naomi24]

Haha! I think he might.... :o)

[AuntPG]

My 'mother' used to make up stories and try to use them to cause aggravation among me and my siblings. Luckily we talked, and knew what she was saying. She once wrote to one of my oldest friends and told a pack of lies about what I was supposed to have done -my friend promptly forwarded the letter to me and we had a good laugh about it.

So, there is every possibility that Smow's daughter has been spoon fed some sort of untruth by another member of the family and has chosen to believe that untruth, rather than confront her mother. that is sad, but like everyone, she has the choice to find out and confront, and if she decides to believe one person over another then that's her prerogative.