I feel sorry for the staff in Greggs in this weather…
They must be baking in there!
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Is your glass half full or half empty?
Depends on whose round it is.
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Traffic cop to motorist, “It says on your licence you need glasses to drive.”
Driver, “I’ve got contacts.”
Cop, “I don’t care who you know, you should be wearing glasses."
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I went on a barging holiday.
I haven’t got a boat, I just like pushing people into canals.
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