Do I Message Him Or Wait For Him?

[abbeylee90]

I meant to be going on my date on Saturday after bottomless brunch but do I message or wait for him?

[scorpiojo]

Or encouraging her to see her GP?

[scorpiojo]

..or *stop..

[lankeela]

I mean stop accusing her of being attention seeking or trying to wind you all up.  I am certain she doesn't have the capacity to do either and genuinely wants people to offer an opinion as she finds it hard to make decisions.  I also think Abbey has a short attention span, which is why it seems she sometimes seems to gloss over certain subjects and moves on in a short time from a serious subject to what she should wear to go out in.  Abbey also finds it hard to tell people what she feels, which is why she has problems letting her friends down, or meeting new people and her awareness of what is acceptable or even safe can be somewhat lacking.  Getting cross with her for not taking advice will wash right over her as I am sure you have noticed.  

 

 

[Neveracrossword]

If Abbey is going to keep raising the same issues every few months, how are we to try to help her? Nothing has worked so far..  

[Canary42]

That's for us to work out with patience and understanding.

[Neveracrossword]

Thanks, Canary42. I think many people tried that approach - several times - last year. If Abbey can't, or won't, heed the responses on here, it'll be very difficult for anyone to help.

[lankeela]

The point is I don't think we can help Abbey.  We may think offering advice is going to help but I don't believe that she has the capacity to take things on board.  She just needs reassurance and feels better having asked other people to make decisions for her.  As we all know she doesn't take notice anyway, and I truly believe that is not just her being difficult, its impossible for her to see why we are saying what we say.  Its almost like telling someone in a wheelchair to chuck it away and expect them to be able to walk on their own.  Nice idea, but not going to happen.  

[lankeela]

If you had asked one of the boys I worked with for over twenty years whether he wanted a hot dog or a hamburger he would just look at you blankly and say 'erm, erm' not because he couldn't decide which he preferred but because he did not know what the answer was. and would wait for you to give him a clue as to what he should take.  If you said 'here have a hot dog' he would take it without question.  

[newmodarmy]

If abbey is lacking capacity and so clearly displays special needs then her parents much surely see it even more and be in a better position than us to support her mentally

[lankeela]

I am sure they do - and I doubt very much whether they know what she is asking on here, and would probably be horrified if they found out.  I suspect she has lived quite a sheltered life so is not as worldly wise as some on here expect her to be.  

 

Abbey, sorry to be talking about you as though you were not here - just trying to explain how I see your situation.

[pastafreak]

Lankeela...I've just developed a huge admiration for you. I've always thought you to be a tough cookie who doesn't put up with ****. Your posts here show a deep compassion...and I'm sure your background in care...which you never spoke a lot about...has contributed to that.