Too old for fun???

[lynneylou]

I was telling my hubby the other day that I want fun in my life and as stree-free a life as poss, his reply to this was for me to face up to the fact that I'm not young anymore but middle aged and that this isnt poss!!! Im just 36!!! Does this mean that this is as good as it gets???

[wildwood]

Middle-aged at 36???? Good grief woman, you're nowhere near middle aged yet. At 40 you may only just start to regard yourself as starting middle-age.

As for the fun part.... You are past having fun when they put you in a box, until then you can have as much fun as you like.

[PinkFizz]

Is your husband mad?? I was 39 a couple of weeks ago and I have more fun now than I ever did! I have a wonderful partner who is 34 - when we have kid free nights we go out for meals,to clubs,pubs,wherever we fancy! We act like a couple of teenagers! Obviously when the kids are here we are good parents and do all kiddy stuff such as park,cimena,feed ducks etc but I really think that I make the most of every single second.I was with a guy from aged 19 to 30 who never let me go out once in 11 years(really!) and so now to me every day is precious.
I would give your hubby a good hard kick up the proverbial.

And if that doesn't work,give me a shout and we can hit the town!

[raysparx1]

Hi lynneylou,

What is wrong with him ? I am in my fifties,I love going out to eat, Concerts,theatre,football, days out, travelling holidays etc, christ he is getting old before his time,

Did you marry an 80 year old by any chance ? ditch him and move in with me.

[nat_84]

lol @ raysparx.

You're really young so don't let him belittle you and make you feel insecure.

I work with people a lot older than you and i know they have an extremely outgoing and happy life.

I think that was a really horrible thing for your husband to say. prove him wrong and go out with the gilrs and have all the fun in the world!! or you could just move in with raysparx...?!

[Carakeel]

I think your husband needs a very serious wake up call!!! I am old enough that I have a daughter only a year younger than you and a son a year older. My partner is 9 years younger than me and we have loads of fun together! My grandchildren always tell me they love having a cool gran, even invite me into conversations on MSN with their friends sometimes. My daughter only recently invited my partner and me to go out clubbing with her and her friends, which we did. My son joined us too. We had a great time and they want us to do this more often. I am telling you this because you need to be assured that there really is NO AGE LIMIT when it comes to having fun !!! What you are feeling is perfectly natural and your husband needs to get off his backside and make an effort for you and for himself too! Grief! If you give up on fun this early in your life you will become old and haggard way before your time! YOU deserve better!!! Wildwood, Pink and raysparks are so right! Well, maybe not about the moving in bit ray (LOL), but hey, if your hubby is determined to bore you to death for the rest of your lives, then I fear you might be heading for disaster. Remember life is so very precious, it can be taken away so quickly! Don't let him ruin yours! If he has decided to give up on his life that is his problem, but he has no right to give up on yours!! I am 57 and enjoying every minute of my life with my partner, my kids and my grandchildren and I intend to continue enjoying myself till the day I die! Best of luck lynneylou! (big hug) x :o)

[Hellion]

I was 48 yesterday and I still like to have fun!

Actually I'd move in with Ray but Mr Hellion might object LOL!

Pink's absolutely right you can do fun things with family (my son is 8) we fly kites, I play football with his friends - I'm rubbish but his mates think it's cool -

Husbands can be tricky things - is he coming up for 40 btw that can be a funny age for fellas - sometimes they don'tt want to have fun but you can still get together with girlfriends and have a great time, it doesn't have to be out either.

I get together with one of my oldest friends and we behave like a couple of 25 year olds - except with 23 more years experience and confidence - resulted in us recently driving through Cheltenham in an open topped sports car whistling at all the handsome young 25 year old men!!!!

By him a kite Lynneylou and take him out to get in touch with his inner child, kick leaves, collect conkers go to the pub.

Or buy some sexy underwear and show him you might be 36 but you aint dead yet!!!

[Bohne]

You are never too old for fun!
Don't even start considering this!

If your husband is too old for it, leave him to sit at home on the sofa, and find some like-minded friends!

I am 35, just had a baby, and am nowhere near ready to give up living!!!

[lynneylou]

THANKYOU for all your replies, much appreciated. My hubby is 41 and only yesterday was saying how he doesnt enjoy life, has a crap relationship with me and his step daughter of 13 and a not -so-great one with his 2 daughters of 18 and 16 who left home earlier this year. I have tried to xplain to him that I dont find him attractive anymore because he has got old before his time and only knows how to moan and whine. He is worse than V meldew! Belieeeve it!!!

[Octavius]

Has it occurred to you that he may be suffering from depression?

[lynneylou]

I have thought about it. He was really crying yesterday and saying how he doesnt enjoy life, all he ever wanted was to be a great dad have a good, happy marriage but is really feeling like he hasnt achieved any of these. The awful thing is that when he was saying these things, i felt no sympathy just thought to myself 'sort yourself out then'. Aren't I awful!??

[Cetti]

Sounds a pretty rotten life for both of you, doesn't it? Consider Octavius' reply, it makes a lot of sense. Perhaps your husband desperately wants to be good at everything, but has failed - and has simply given up, dragging you down with him.

It's fine everyone telling you how wonderful their life is - you want yours to change and have the fun they have, don't you? It can be done, it's never too late for anything, in fact a marriage can be better in later years than when you are young, but......you both have to want it to happen, not just one of you.

First of all it might be worth your husband having a thorough checkup from your GP just in case there is any underlying cause. If all is well then find a quiet time for you both to have a real talk giving honest (not hurtful) thoughts about what you need from your marriage really discussing each point. There might be a long forgotten hurt or hurts that keeps rearing it's ugly head that's keeping him down. Poor self image is another cause. Whatever it is please don't give up - but forget age, it's all in the mind.

[Hellion]

Definitely he sounds depressed Lyyneylou. I was only half joking about taking him out to fly a kite and getting in touch with his inner child.
I truly believe many men do suffer a mid life crisis which goes one of two ways, like your husband or the ones who by a Harley, start wearing silly clothes and trying to chat up 20 year olds!
Men can feel just as 'trapped' by life as women do. Could you and your daughter perhaps do a Trinny and Susannah on him? A few new clothes and a new haircut, you'd probably all have great fun together and he have his confidence boosted, and you'd get a 'new' husband!

Also you could try him on Rhodiola a natural help for depression.

http://www.anti-aging-guide.com/RhodiolaRosea. html

[raysparx1]

Hi lynneylou,

I have just read your reply, I assumed (wrongly) that you were happily married apart from hubby not wanting to do much, but clearly this isn't so,

You telling him you don't find him attractive and didn't really feel for him when he told you how he felt,means to me you have problems to sort,Octavius could well be right,

Do you love him still ? do you want it to work ? if you can think back to times gone that were fun and enjoyable,surely it is worth working at, as Cetti says ask him to go for a check up,hope you can sort it out, good luck, Ray xx

[noxlumos]

I'm 46 and I suffer from manic depression. I also take no medication for it dealing with it, but choose to deal with it in others ways, so I do know what it's like to be older than you'd wish and terribly depressed as well, and if he is depressed he'll find it a hard thing to get out of if he ahs no support structure. He seems to have created a viscious circle for himself whereby he feels too cr4p to be what would make him happy and consequently feels he hasn't achieved anything, thus making him more depressed etc etc etc. These sort of negative spirals are very difficult to deal with and it takes a lot of help and support from your family to initially get out of them. Try and get him to go and see the Dr and please try and support him as once he's feeling better he'll realise that there's plenty of fun to be had.
I'm 46 and my wife is 38 and we act likes teenagers a lot of the time and have fun at every available opportunity, so you are certainly not too old.My wife's Mum is nearly 70 and travels all round the world (she's just done Peru), and has a blast wherever she goes, nothing sedate and SAGA about her.
I hope everything works out well for you and I'm sure it will if you can persuade him that he might need a bit of help to feel better.

[Hellion]

I knew Ray and Nox would come along with their usual wise take on being men......what they say makes sense to me.
Hey Nox perhaps you should look at the Rhodiola too, I suffer from SAD and always get depressed in Jan, Feb time but I've been taking the Rhodiola and it really helps, and I'm as cynical as they come. You can buy it in most healthfood stores.
Hugs to you LynneyLou I hope you can sort it out.
XX