Childhood Abuse 50 Years On

[nailedit]

I'm 58 now but still struggling with memories from half decade ago.  Im an alcoholic and I get thats my choice, just can't forget having my *** and bits felt and spanked by a teacher while trowserless at aged 8 and having my father then bouncing ashtrays of my head and chucking mugs of hot tea at me when i came home because i wasnt 'happy' .

For Funks Sake, ever since its been a repeating factor.

 Been told that I'm just feeling sorry for myself.  OK!

 

Anyone going through any sheite?

You are just feeling sorry for yourself because others who have never trod your path have said so.

[ToraToraTora]

you did it once do it again.

[nailedit]

3T

Honeststly dont thing ive ive got another recver in me,

[Spungle]

Childhood trauma is very real and so is PTSD.  But through it all we have to focus on today and the future.  The past is a place of reference, not a place of residence.

[ToraToraTora]

20:30, yes you have, I was so proud of you when you did it. Don't bare your soul on here again, we have all seen it. STOP now and get back to what you achieved, DO IT NOW, starting from tomorrow.

[Atheist]

Nailedit. I never went through what you did. I did have an 'auntie' who got me to put my hand down her front (I really thought that she had a slit in her chest). I had a poor old boy who took me to watch the fan-dancers in Wigan fair and who really believed that he had found my photo in a catalogue for woolly jumpers. I was occasionally strapped by Christian Brothers. But I never suffered real physical abuse. None of my experiences had long consequences and, fortunately, I have not been affected.

I hope that you can get over what you experienced. None of it was your fault. Put it behind you if you can. If you had done bad things to others then maybe you could feel guilty, but I suspect that you didn't, so don't let old things ruin your life now.

Best wishes.

 

 

 

[Barmaid]

I do not consider you are feeling sorry for yourself.  Any form of abuse can leave long and deep scars and the healing from that is often a long and horrible road.

The best advice I can give is first learn how to forgive yourself.  That is easier said than done.  I think it would be worth you talking to a professional who may be able to help you to unlock the tools to deal with this.

Here is one organisation you could call:-  NAPAC – Supporting Recovery From Childhood Abuse https://napac.org.uk

ANYONE who says you are just feeling sorry for yourself is not worth you listening to.  Ignore them.  They have absolutely no idea.

 

[237SJ]

Have a look at Channel 5 'My Teacher, My Abuser' on catchup

[Old_Geezer]

For some things in life, feeling sorry for oneself is the expected response. But I feel sure there must be trained help out there. Not had any joy chasing help in the NHS ?

 

Meanwhile try to convince yourself that situations you had no real control over are not something you need to forgive yourself for; although if you can bring yourself to genuinely forgive others, that would be to your benefit rather than theirs.

 

If these thoughts raise their presence again, then acknowledge them, but then move your attention onto something else, refuse to give them further consideration. The more you dwell on them the more your subconscious reacts by considering them important and bringing them up more often.

[puzzled54]

I had been wondering how you were. You may think it's a strange suggestion, but can you talk to a vicar/priest? I remember your 'discussions' with Theland and I recall you are an atheist, but you used to have such good chats with him. You need someone to listen to you. We all worry about you but can't really do anything to help. 

[rowanwitch]

So many struggle with the memories of abuse, and the damage carries on throughout their lives.   All I can say is maybe try some of the survivors groups as I think the alcohol is really a secondary issue and dealing with the *** that you try to block out is the answer  to your problems long term.   My guess is you have a type of ptsd,  common in abuse survivors.

[ladybirder]

Doesn't look as if OP's been on here since Wednesday.  I do hope he's OK.  Are you looking in nailedit?  xx

[nailedit]

Im still looking in ladybirder.

not always responding..,

always appreciatiave.

Currently inebriated...

[jourdain2]

It's good that you are looking-in, nailed it.

Puzzled at 23.01 has got an idea worth considering. No priest/vicar on the C.E. side - or Methodist or.. anyone I can think of (unsure about RCs) would try to preach at you.  They would listen and have contacts for you.

We are all, of course, here and listening to you.  Your posts have actually stirred up all sorts of memories for me and, I'm sure, others.

No one's life is perfect. I trusted a man who isolated me, tried twice to strangle me, threw me across the room and threatened to hold me by the ankles whilst I drowned in a cistern of water (in France). This was after the 'perfect' marriage break-up.  

I was lucky and met Mr. J2. He's not perfect either - no-one is, but we are happy together. 

The point is that we understand trauma and ptsd. I still suffer and have to stop myself from extreme avoidance behaviour when it strikes. Yes that includes a couple of drinks too many sometimes - but I stop (and it's hard enough).

You are not alone.  Does this help?  Think of your real self and what you are worth (a lot to some, including your grandchild) and hang on in there and get sober again.

Read this tomorrow. I can't be more honest or write anything different. As Sandy has said, please try AA.... no one will preach.  

I wish you very well. x

[JinnyJoan]

I am speaking of my self and only myself but I was abused too - as far as I am concerned we all were.

 

I happened to say to my cousin - she was interfered with her uncle and let it past.  I was interefered with another uncle and the same thing as he touched me inappropriately when I was about 14 years old.  

I was working in a bar scenario as a waitress and when I was picking up a drink another lad smacked me across the bottom of my bottom that I nearly lost my breath but had to let it go.

I think Nailed we all have had those horrible memories.

An  uncle of my friend brought me up to his bathroom and and I am only 10 years of age so didn't have a clue but if I knew what it was about.  he took his penis out and rubbed all over my face.  I told my mother very innocently and I believe there could have been murder when she found out.

 

All I am saying Nailed it - we all have those old memories.  BAD MEMORIES - I still think of them but have tried to let them go.  

There are still more but don't want to remember them.   so give your head peace.

[seekeerz]

Some awkward childhood memories of a wide leather strap with a nasty buckle that left some bruises but nothing to match any of the above.

Nails, I'm just so glad to see you posting ....take care of yourself and I'm sending hugs from the other side of the world xx

[Toorak]

Nailit - please ask your GP to refer you for trauma therapy. This is an issue that is still driving your behaviour. You have been exposed to experiences as a child that are not normal. Please reach out to get the support you need to deal with this.

[ladybirder]

Just seen your post from last night Nailedit.  So good to know you are still with us. xxx