My Mum Says She Hates Me Because I Remind Her Of My Dad.

[Treacle71]

She says I'm unfeeling and I don't care about a living soul. I support her the best way I can (she's a widow), but she says I can't connect with another human being.  This is true as basically I am a loner. I work and she said she doesn't know how I hold the job down! Well, I manage to hold my job down as I get on with it in my own quiet way. What's the best way to deal with this?

[Peter Pedant]

ignore it and go on supporting her

[Canary42]

Move out.

[Peter Pedant]

no sharper tooth than an ungrateful child - here - ungrateful parent

[scorpiojo]

Move out.

[barry1010]

The same way you've been dealing with her for years.

The alternative is to leave home.  She's not going to change.

[DDIL]

You have two options

1/ leave

2/ stay

[naomi24]

Old people stuck indoors often become cantankerous - and that can hurt.  Try to rise above it.  From what you've said in the past I think your mum worries about you and that means she cares - even if she doesn't always show it.   Tell her she's lucky to have you - and she is.  

[Barmaid]

I'd say it is not true when she says that you do not care about a living soul, since you obviously care about her and support her despite her unpleasant remarks.

It IS hurtful when people that you are trying to do your best by say nasty things.  That says more about them than it does about you.

I think you either

a) ignore her comments, you know she is wrong; or

b) you can say to her "Well Mum, you may think so and you are entitled to your opinion but actually, I am very good at what I do"; or

c) you move out.

You cannot change her, you can only change the way you deal with her comments. 

[rockyracoon]

Take yourself off for a week to let her see what life would be like without you. Don't call her at all.

[Treacle71]

Gosh, your replies have helped me so much! I wish I didn't have to choose a best answer, as several are best! xx

[Canary42]

Barmaid makes an excellent point  "You cannot change her, you can only change the way you deal with her comments." 

  Basically grin and bear it.

[JinnyJoan]

Treacle - I do believe you are not very young - so you should look out for a wee place of your own and by God your mother would miss you like hell.

[Toorak]

I think you come across as a sensitive (perhaps too sensitive) person and I think your mother's treatment of you is appalling. she appears to be bitter and twisted. You need to decide whether you can put up with this or look for a way out.

you probably feel guilty if you do leave your mother on her own but she does not seem to value you (which is very sad)

[Treacle71]

Again, thank you so much for your replies. I'm giving to read them over and over xx