My Mum Is Angry That I'm Not Interested In Family From The Past

[Treacle71]

My mum decided to bring out some photos from the past again. I have always felt disconnected from family because I grew up without family as they all died when I was a very young child or simple the few I had were 300 miles away whom I saw about twice a year. Not one family member made any effort to visit me as a child or want to get to know me, so I grew up without a family network. She screams at me for not taking interest in her family, her grandparents, aunts, her uncles etc, in photos, whom she grew up with from her past. Am I bad? She says I'm cold. I've seen these photos many times before anyway.

[DDIL]

Its a difficult one - when she is gone you will have no one to ask about your family.

Why not ask her to write on the photos who people are and what their connection to you is - it will keep her busy and from bothering you for a bit.

Your mother appears demanding and you are letting her control your life.  Now only you can change that.

[Tilly2]

Can't you just pretend to be interested, just for ten minutes?

[youngmafbog]

Sometimes its as simple as people wanting to pass on information before they go, especially in cases like yours where no one is left or little contact.

I think  DDIL's suggestion is a good compromise.  Remember when she is gone she is gone, dont come to regret falling out.

[Treacle71]

I did look at the photos with her, Tilly and have done many, many a time before too. I can't muster up any interest though because of a feeling of abandonment/disconnection.

[Treacle71]

Thank you so far people xxx 😶

[Treacle71]

She's also a very easily angered person too; prickly.

[scorpiojo]

Move out.

[pastafreak]

It sounds as if your mum is also disconnected and probably lonely. She may very well miss all those people and you're the only person she can try to share with. Admittedly she lacks tact, but from what you've said that's her way...and it's not going to change.

I'd suggest humouring her...maybe ask some questions about the lives of these people. You just might gain some connections. If you keep rejecting her clumsy attempts you may regret it someday. 

[Peter Pedant]

She screams at me for not taking interest in her family, her grandparents, aunts, her uncles etc, in photos,

as my brudda said " by the time they show interest we will have been dead for forty years"

AND in the episode where Greene is being eased out of ER - her step mother says " you should ask your father about the past"

and the thirteen year old Sharon says   "he keeps on showing me people who are dead. I am never going to meet them. It is so boring"

so clearly this effect is worldwide

[Arksided]

Do what I do treacle just take the Pish... trust me me you won't have to sit through those photo's again.

On a more serious note maybe your Mum would just like to share a little time with you and in a photogtaphic way letting you know who she is. even though you have seen them before... Tik-Tok or Mum.

[Treacle71]

Again, thank you so much everyone xx.

I just want to add that a guy in my office said I'm a good soul and when I told my mum this, she said, "Hmmm....he doesn't know you". 😥😥 I can do nothing right by her 🤷

[Peter Pedant]

I have to say if I showed a photo of my gt uncle Joe who was a Boer commando and someone said

Oh he looks like a cross between Schozzle Durante and Danny Kay in that film hahahaa

I would probably change subject....

 

 

[barry1010]

As far as I know you are 30+

 Why are you still living with your mother, she makes you so miserable 

[Treacle71]

I've no family support network and I guess I'm scared to move out, Barry 🙍

[bednobs]

people have all sorts of reasns not to move out - i think treacle is a part-time worker in london.  it seems likely to me she cant afford to move?

[Treacle71]

That's exactly correct, bednobs 🙎

[DDIL]

You are in your 50's I believe and from what you have said this has been the situation for years.

Why have you not taken control of the situation and moved on?

 

[albaqwerty]

So easy to say try not to let her get you down. She thinks she knows you, but I doubt she knows the adult you as you are now.

Think about taking pen and paper the next time she brings out the photos, write down who is who so in future you could tell her you've got it all listed!

[Arksided]

I never questioned your living arrangements with your Mother, just seems such a shame... that you seem so far apart, even though you're the person helping. 

Call me cynical you're obviously not fit for a bank job of any kind... but maybe she's insisting you know for a reason.

Who 'They' are and what was left unfond