Dying Alone

[bookbinder]

My wife and I have been approached by two elderly neighbours, who are asking for advice. We don't know how to answer them, so we hope that the AB community will have an answer. The neighbours have a dilemma. They realise that they do not have much time left on this earth. When the last one of them dies, who will look after their affairs? They have no children and no younger relatives who keep in touch. When the last one dies, who will know? Will they simply lie there and rot? Who will see to it that their property will be properly disposed of? We hope that someone in the AB community will be able to help our neighbours, because we certainly  can't.

[FoxLee2]

Have they made wills? What do they want to happen to their property? Couldn't they appoint a solicitor to deal with their affairs. And you and your wife as neighbours, couldn't you keep an eye on the couple especially when one is left on his/her own. Or organise other neighbours as well to look out for this couple on a daily basis in due course.

[barry1010]

I hope your neighbours have Wills in place, and the executor(s) are alive and able.

They each need to write a Living Will and lodge copies with their GP. Not legally binding but can help.

 

 

 

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[bookbinder]

FoxLee2, thanks for your answer. Our neighbours are mostly concerned about exactly who they could choose to enter their home and sort everything out. We shall ask them if they would consider us as sorters-out of their property, and we'll see how that goes. We think that what they really want is someone who will maintain daily contact with them. I hope that we qualify for that job!

[calmck]

Its good of you to step in. Hopefully they will be around for some time. Do you have a house key and alarm code if they have one.

Have them put all important information together.Bank details, utility companies, wills or solicitor to contact, medical wishes DNR ETC. GP  Funeral, burial or cremation wishes. List of reatives, however distant, to contact. 

[bookbinder]

calmck, thank you for your suggestions. We feel that we should tread carefully here, but we shall ask about getting a house key and their alarm code. There is nobody else available, but they are quite an independent couple. A soft-shoe approach is needed here!

[FoxLee2]

bookbinder you sound like a lovely neighbour and I'm sure will do all you can to help this couple and reassure them that their affairs will be taken care of.

[andres]

No-one knows what the future holds. There are lots of different scenarios. How old  they are and have  they any health issues. Do they plan on living in their present house or would a retirement home where they would both  be looked after by the staff be something they would consider. There would be no need to worry then if anything happened. For now though they both need to update their wills saying what they would like to happen to the property and effects when they die. There are also live-in carers should they both become ill but these are expensive.    In the meantime until they have sorted things out it  has been suggested that a reliable neighbour to check  on them and help them through any problems either by a visit or a phone call. This seems a good idea. 

 

[barry1010]

It's good that they have you. 

The executor should see that the property is properly disposed of and estate distributed according the Will but they need somebody to inform the executor when the time comes.  

 

[bookbinder]

Thank you all for your good advice. We shall approach our neighbours cautiously, and make your suggestions one at a time. The fact that they approached us suggests that they might be willing to adopt our/your ideas. We should not like to think of them being in a despairing kind of state when death is near. I shall take it step by step, and shall keep you informed as to how things are going. Thank you all again.

[jourdain2]

Bookbinder, I think you have had some lovely and helpful answers and that you are being very kind and reliable.

I knew a lady who was a member of a bereavement society (she had lost her daughter in a riding accident) and her best advice was , apart from listing all financial details abnd contacts and making a Will, it was important to plan your funeral.

People need to know what you want.  I am a church organist (inter alia) and have been through the bewilderment of bereaved families asking me about the hymns X liked especially.  If a humanist service is wished for - you need to know.  Clarity is all.

Are your neighbours members of any societies who might help with looking after them and help in this?

[bookbinder]

jourdain2, I do not know if our neighbours are members of any kind of society that might help them. I do not know these neighbours well enough. I suspect that they approached me and my wife because we are all of a similar age bracket, and there are no other similar people in our end of the cul-de-sac. We shall take things step by step and hope that all turns out well.

[Peter Pedant]

I made a will, buried him and administered the bankrupt estate (9k)

Roman catholic: we are crazy and or sad donkeys

[Peter Pedant]

it really  only gets interesting after no 1 dies ( one left).

My in laws are in a difft category ( "wills are stupid because you can always do a Deed of Variation")

another has sold his house to his son for £1

no please dont discuss

[Peter Pedant]

A soft-shoe approach is needed here!

nope - if they want help they will ask for it and if they dont - they will change the locks

My sista looked at my father's books ( she was a BA in English) and sid oh there is nothing of value here ( there was)

called a bookseller and said take the whole lot - we dont want anything ! Make what you will and keep it

and so his archive about this fella

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raymond_Dart

just went down the foo-foo

My sista wasnt a great listener

[bookbinder]

Thank you all for your kind and useful answers. We shall pass these on to our neighbours, and we shall hope that they can make good use of the information that you have all provided.