On a serious note, and WM's back street approach acknowledged. According to The Picture Book of Devils, Demons and Witchcraft you could be broken on the wheel as a punishment in hell for committing the cardinal sin of pride.
I prefer to exercise by virtue of modesty, and therefore avoid such contraptions in me afterlife.
Then Ummm you really are going to have to bite the bullet on this, you don't want to lose someone you love as a result of your pride. That doesn't sound worth it to me at all.