Handling upset friends...

[nat_84]

Im not heartless or uncaring but i'm really bad at being over caring if someone's really upset.

It's not that i dont care, i'm just not a big sympathetic softy.

Anyway, before i make myself out to be any worse - here's the scenario....

My mate split up with her boyfriend of 3 years yesterday, and she came on msn really upset, said she needed someone to speak to. She said she was crying and didn't know what to do, the usual things we say at the end of a relationship. They agreed on mutual terms to split as they were growing apart.

I said the usual supportive things and think i did ok - my best technique is to make them laugh and i think i managed.

BUT i'm meeting the girls tonight and i know she's gonna be really upset, which makes me really sad. But i'm just really crap at handling these emotional situations. Not sure if it's coz i feel useless or if it's because i'm just not that type of person...

Im worried that i'll just start laughing when she's crying or someting stupid like that...

I dunno...

any adivce?

anyone else similar?

[warpig1]

Naz, sorry can't give any advice as I am exactly the same. Sometimes I think I am completely without emotion and hard when I see how others react to the same situation. Its not that I don't care, I just react differently.

PS I rarely cry, so maybe I am actually emotionally void!!!

[nat_84]

Well nice to know i'm not the only one!

Although i am emotional myself...
i cried over the programme 'Its me or the dog' the other week!!

[laurence2]

I'm not the ''shoulder to cry on type'' i would try to pacify them to a certain degree, but as stated in your post, it was agreed by both on mutual terms, so without sounding heartless '' whats the problem''

Obviously she hasen't come to terms with it yet {only 24 hours since split} or she did'nt want to split up in the 1st place, who decided 1st about a mutual split? if it was her bf, she may well think there is someone else.


Is she out with the girls tonight? if so, i'm not sure she should be going as its to early for her to let her hair down, plus i think it would have an negative effect on the rest of the girls, in her defence, 3 years is quite a time with one person, so there ain't going to be a quick fix solution, once you girls can get a smile back on her face and get her ''back on the tiles'' so to speak, hopefully she will see the bigger picture, theres plenty more fish in the sea, times the great healer, and in this case, its only a relationship {assuming no kids involved} that has ''drifted apart'' shes not the 1st, and by ''no means'' the last that this will happen to.

She will be ok, i'm sure of that

[nat_84]

She initially wanted to split with him and he agreed. She said she wanted him to fight for the relationship and for him to tell her how much he loved her, when she said she thought it was best they split - but he didn't...so i think she was a bit gutted.

I think the thing's that sgetting to her most is the thought of him moving on really quickly and being replaced by some other chick. Also there are the other elements like not seeing his family again or going to visit him at weekends which are naturally hard to take in.

And no, luckily no kids involved. I've advised her not to drink too much tonight and said she doesn't need to worry about crying in front of us. Personally i think it'll do her some good getting out of her house and spending some time with us jolly girlies!!!

[laurence2]

so even tho they split on a mutual agreement, she called the split in reality, and when he did'nt think it was a good idea, she was gutted.

So he could be well thinking that 'She did'nt want him'' hence him getting over it quickly, men seem to get over relationships easier than women, you ladies ''hold onto everything'' so to speak, ie both sets of families etc, most men, just want a ''clean cut'' the lets remain good friends, dosen't wash with alot of guys.

As you said, just be there for her within reason, she WILL come to terms with the split

Have a good night, and don't let any fellas chat her up lol

[nat_84]

lol.

Sounds almost as if the split backfired on her - but i dont thin it did - i think it just proved that the time had come and they had grown apart.

I know in the long run it'll be for the best.

Stop guys from chatting her up!? why would i do that? best way of getting over someone is to move on!

[laurence2]

Nat, what i meant was, would she let someone chat her up so early after her split, or is she likely to tell them to F, Off.

They normally say that friends can see deficiencies in there friends relationships, i don't know if you did with your friend, but give it a little while, and then point out that you thought it was for the best because!!!!

If nothing else, it will make her feel a whole lot better, and she will feel that she's dumped him for good reason, tho don't over do things or she might blame ''you'' lol

[spk]

Hey Nat ! :OD

It sounds like shes feeling sorry for herself which is understandable but give her a few days of snivelling and she will dust herself off again Im sure. Its never easy splitting up, its the intimacy thats the killer and filling her time with new things etc but you just treat her the way you are Nat, maudling around her isnt going to help. Have a good night raf ! xxx

[nat_84]

Thanks guys and girls!

I think she'll want to be chatted up - to help her self esteem!

I'll just do what i do best and make her smile!!

Blokes or no blokes girls always seem to have a laugh!