Trembling??

[Ophelia_Air]

The eternal question! There's a man I've had strong feelings for for about three years. The history isn't too important. What I need to know about is what happened this weekend. Basically, he's in an open relationship; his girlfriend kisses other guys and sleeps with them. He just kisses other women but only when he wants to. It's not just "because he can!". We kissed on Friday and again on Saturday. When he held me afterwards - outside - we stood together for what felt like a long, long time. He held me very tightly and I could feel him trembling. I know this is a seriously weird question, but I'm curious! I guy who liked me in the past did the same thing and I want to know if that's a symptom of attraction or if both of the men who have held me in this way need thicker coats!! This isn't a "should I/Shouldn't I?" question 'cause there's a helluva lot more going on that I can't squeeze into one enquiry. Thanks in advance guys

[China Doll]

Just so this is straight in my own head Ophelia.... the bloke you kissed has an open relationship with his girlfriend in which he is allowed to kiss other women and sleep with other men if he wants to?

Ok.... if that's right my first answer to your question is the trembling could be a sign of someone who is just nervous. I think the kissing was the main sign of physical attraction. As I recall it wasn't that cold on Saturday so hopefully it wasn't a coat thing!

My second answer is to a question you never asked which is just be careful of your heart m'dear. As you say you have strong feelings for the bloke but it sounds like he's possibly a little muddled so just make sure you look out for yourself.

Hope that helps in some little way xx

[laurence2]

I don't agree on open relationships, i appreciate your feelings for him, but open relationships just don't work, would you except an open relationship?

[noxlumos]

sorry Laurence but open relationships do work, I'm sort of in one myself and we've been very very happy for the last ten years. My wife does not believe that men are naturally monogamous, nor does she want a relationship whereby her partner is only faithful to her because he feels obliged. therefore when we got together she decided that she was happy for me to sleep with other women if I so desired, but she would not sleep with other men ( as she said if she wanted to do that, from her perspective our relationship would have reached an unsalavageable point). I found this a bit hard to get my head round at first ( she was guaranteeing NOT to be unfaithful, yet was telling me I could sleep with whomsoever I liked as long as I didn't form a relationship with them, so caual sex only).
Then it occured to me, that actually she was giving me permission to mess up or take our relationship to a whole new level. I've chosen so far never to have been unfaithful and as a result our relationship is solid as rock as she knows everyday that it's her I want ahead and above of all others.So just because you are in an open relationship, it doesn't actually necessarily mean that you sleep around, and it certainly doesn't mean that there is no love.
I'd be careful though Ophelia, as these two sound as though they have a evry special understanding and you could get hurt if you start to want a relationship with him, rather than just casual sex, and yeah men can tremble with desire :)

[dawg_kane]

i dont really agree with open relationships either, but "noxlumos" i kind of get the logic behind your answer...maybe its the wierd psycology thing where by if you refuse to let someone do something they do it anyway, out of curiosity or just to be a pain in the ass...and if you say they can there isnt really any thrill there!
if it works for you then best of luck to you.
but i reckon ophelia that you should look for someone you can keep exclusively if you want something more than casual and you dont want to end up being "the other woman"

[Ophelia_Air]

Thanks for all the suggestions so far guys :)

They have been together for upwards of four years and while she is happy to sleep with and generally "be with" other men AND women, he himself is not bisexual. He does not take advantage of their open relationship as much as she does. I could even go so far as to say that he finds it very uncomfortable at times.

I'm a very, very poor judge of character so I make a point of never acting on suspicions in case I get the wrong idea. Hence this question, I guess! I happily consider myself emotionally immature, but part of the joys of that is I have a very open mind. Like I said: I'm not a sexual person. If that's all he wanted, I would be very quick to find out. I'm not entirely certain what I want from all this, so I suppose that's a question all by itself.

While I have absolutely no itention whatsoever of damaging the relationship of this guy and his girlfriend, I get the impression I *could* be considered a threat. I appreciate that this is not making much sense and a half-4rsed precis isn't going to do the whole issue much justice.

I guess that for once in my little life I'm feeling very confused. Why can't people do something sensible like have little taxi signs on which say when they're free, or interested, etc.? I found the fact he was trembling very... sweet for some reason. As far as I know, he's one of the most confident and self-assured people I'm ever likely to meet!

[jedimistress]

Did he tell you he is an open relatiosnhip or do you know that first hand?