Should I ask my girlfriend to marry me?

[richardford1]

My dilemma: Have lived with girlfiend who is 38 (I am 27) for 2 years in a rented flat, have been together for nearly three years. Time is pressing on re. biological clock etc so I need to make a decision as a matter of urgency whether to stay with her and get married or leave her. We get on well mostly but recently I've got ambivalent and don't really know exactly why. I think a major reason is tension caused by my girlfriend no longer willing to speak to or see my Mother (as she is splitting and overbearing) unless we are engaged, and me not being able to get my head around it! The ball is firmly in my court to move things on but I'm really stuck and don't know why i can't make a decision.

[missjef]

to be honest, if your having to come on a q&a site t to ask whether you should or not i would say no.. i think if you really felt that you wanted to you should but you need to be 100% sure.

[Pippa68]

I think if you are choosing between getting married or splitting, getting married isn't a good idea!

[spudqueen]

Some people consider getting married with the question 'could I spend the rest of my life with this person'. They shouldn't, the question they should ask themselves is 'can I spend the rest of my life without this person'.

[spk]

Its an awful lot easier to stay with someone than it is to leave them, but that doesnt mean its the right thing to do. You dont mention anything about whether you love her or not, its a big decision but you certainly shouldnt be forced into it by her putting a ban on seeing your mum. Thats very childish. Follow your heart and spudqueens comment is very true, that thought made me leave a bad 7 year relationship, really think about it..

[WendyS]

I think you can't make a decision because in your heart you already know the answer and that is that you're not really 100% compatible, and you have major issues about the way she behaves towards your mother, only agreeing to do so if you become engaged. That is emotional blackmail, and if that's the way she thinks she is going to conduct her future relationship with you and your family, that's not a good basis on which to start a marriage.

Whether her biological clock is ticking is irrelevant. What IS very relevant is that if you really wanted to marry her you probably would have done so already. So listen hard to your inner emotions and have the courage to break up and move on.

[MiniN]

If you truly wanted to get married you'd know. there wouldn't be a dilemma. If your decision now is all or nothing, perhaps marriage isn't right for you right now.

there's no rush.

[janetsflower]

if you don't know for certain that you love and adore this woman and want to spend the rest of your life with her then no you shouldn't ask her to marry you. Pretty obvious its the wrong thing for you to do, so walk away now while you are both still young enough to meet other people and start families. Yes its a dificult thing to do when you are already living together and staying together is the easier optioin but it will be a lot harder further down the line when kids are involved, either that or you are committing ourself to a lifetime of not being wholly satiisfied and content.

[BBWCHATT]

We have an old saying here in the Southern part of the USA:

Either fish or cut bait. Translated, that means either get married or get single. Living on the fence isn't fair to either one of you.

[Aprilis]

My personal feeling on this, based on the information that you have given, is that to marry her on her the grounds that she won't speak to or see your mother if you don't would be a huge mistake. What kind of a message would that give your girlfriend? That by using blackmail she can manipulate you into doing whatever she wants? That's no basis for any relationship let alone a marriage. Apart from that it would appear that she really doesn't like your mother anyway, so there's always the possibility that you will marry her and she still won't talk to her! Even if you do get married you can't force her to talk to your Mum just because she has a ring on her finger! If you truly love someone you don't blackmail them into marrying you surely? Where's the respect in that? To give in to her on this would be giving out all the wrong signals and telling her that you are willing to be treated that way. That doesn't bode well for your future happiness. She may be trying to give you a kick up the backside to progress your relationship but in my opinion that's certainly no way to go about it. Marrying under threat? I most definitely wouldn't! Apart from all that, you say you don't know why you can't make a decision. I think I do, you are worried about making the 'right' decision. The right thing is to trust your instinct, be true to yourself and do what is right for YOU.

I wish you all the best whatever your final decision.