how can i get my mum help?

[peterbar]

My mums' life is made a misery by her husband, who i long ago stop referring to as my dad, and it is as though she is trapped without a way to escape. He is an alcoholic and is getting more and more irrational and schizophrenic, he turns and rants one day and is fine and chatty the next(normally depending on whether he has had a drink). My mum spends most of her life upstairs while he sits downstairs, there is no marriage left, but she can't afford to get a place of her own, is too old for a mortgage now, and gets upset when i suggest she tries to get help from womens hostel type places, she doesnt want to leave her house and feels he will win if she leaves. in the past she visited solicitors who told her not to be the one that moves out, but there is no way he would ever leave, he is too stubborn, and would be violent if she ever tried to walk out. I would like some ideas just to give her some hope. Thanks in advance for any replies.

[happygam]

Hi peterbar...sorry that you and your mum are having a hard time....!! May I suggest that you call The Samaritans, for a bit of help and a push in the right direction, they may give you some ideas...good luck...!!

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, peterbar. You will be surprised how much help is actually available to her. I understand the solicitor advising her to stay there, but if its unbearable then she needs to leave. I am not sure if the house is in both names, but if it really is that bad, then maybe she should just cut her losses. Regarding the abuse, she can just inform the police and get an injunction out on him. By rights, SHE can get him kicked out of the house, but its all a messy process. Tell her to speak to the citizens advice bureau too. I know how proud she must feel, but she may have to go through a rough patch and stay in a hostel. She will need your support too, even though she may say she doesnt...

[astronaut]

Peter, I am so sorry to read that your mother is being abused by her wretched husband, this can affect you also, as you only want her to be safe. Does she have access to the internet? Obviously you do, Google 'hiddenhurt' and it will give access to hope, and maybe she will be in contact with some very useful people indeed.
Wishing you both the very best.