Past Demons

[Eve]

As per my previous posts I'm doing a sponsered lose weight thing at work.

I've suffered quite seriously in the past with an eating disorder including being in hospital a fair few times. I still have the odd relapse but can usually get myself back on track.

After I volunteered for the work thing yesterday old demons started to resurface.

I went straight to the gym after work to get some stuff sorted there, went to get some weight loss stuff and diuretics and laxatives and such and I spent the evening looking at all kinds of sites including a number of pro-anorexia ones and feeling a longing to go back to my old ways. I just about stopped myself from going into chatrooms. I even made a sheet of new tips i found on the pro anorexia sites and started thinking of how I can not eat and throw up with no-one noticing and such.

No one at work knows about my past nor do I want them to know. I really want to do this properly and safely to prove to myself that I can without resorting to my old ways but am scared of the effect it will have on me.

Help!!!

[RATTER15]

I wont advise you Jenna as I know little about eating disorders but I wish you all the luck in the world!!! XXXX

[havinmysay]

jenna hun please dont do this diet thing not if uv suffered from eating disorders its to tempting.
to me its just like giving an ex druggie drugs.
drop the diet u dont need an excuse on what to tell everyone at work and get help from your gp

[Carakeel]

Jenna sweety, please, please do not go down that road again!!! You know yourself how dangerous it is. If you really do want to lose weight for this charity thing, please do so by setting small goals and eating a healthy, balanced diet!! You well know that losing weight fast is a very dangerous thing and can seriously damage your internal organs and it CAN RUIN YOUR LIFE! So please Love, if and when you want help, come on msn and we can try to get you away from this! I will give you my phone numbers and when you feel like going too far, just ring me and we can talk, day or night, it doesn't matter! Take courage Jenna, you are strong enough to get yourself away from these thoughts!!! But you need to fight them right now, not wait and slip into your old habits. XXX :o)

[Carakeel]

Jenna - ask yourself this - who and what is more important

your health ... or raising money for charity???

your sanity ... or your work mates' opinions???

your life ... or being super slim???

You are such a beautiful girl now Jenna, you really don't need to lose weight, nor do you need to prove yourself by being a part of something that can be a danger to you!!! If your colleagues are worth even knowing, then they will fully understand if you do NOT take part in this diet for charity thing. You can tell them it is simply for health reasons that you need to back out. You don't need to elaborate. If they cannot accept that, then they are not worth worrying about! So Jenna, stay the way you are. We all love you as you are here and don't want anything bad happening to you! xxx

[Eve]

Thank you all. I've not been quite as bad today as have been trying to force myself to eat and went to the doctors earlier. It's knocked me a bit as I have to leave my great GP surgery behind and register elsewhere as I've moved. That was my last appointment there.

I think it will hit again tomorrow though. It was made perfectly clear that no-one is to get competitive and no weights will be made public and such, just the loss. E.mails will be sent round the firm after each weigh in with the results.

The teams are being announced and the first weigh in is tomorrow and the whole place is going to be weightloss crazy for the forseeable future as over a quarter of the firm is taking part including most of my bosses.

Whether I take part or not I'm going to be surrounded by it.

[aims500]

Jenna,

Just by reading your posts on here I can honestly tell that you are a wonderful person! Please don't go down this road, trust me it's not a great place to be going! As everyone else has said what is more important your health or the opinions of others? I've been through what you're contemplating doing after having my children and it made me so ill and there are still days where I want to be thiner. Honestly i'm sure that you are beautiful the way you are : )

If you're feeling low just pop on here and talk to someone, you've told others that people on here will be there for them and now it's time for you to realise that there is a community of people here supporting you!

Take care, big cuddles

Amy

[bloaterbum]

I lived with an anorexic for five years and believe me it nearly sent me to a psychiatrist .
please get help and don't get hung up on weight issues i will only end in tears .It is a real illness and when I phoned her doctor about it he wasnot willing to get involved .PLEASE it is a miserable route to follow .do tell him your every thought and take heed!!All the best please let me know how you get on

[naz_nomad]

to hell with the charity .. you look after yourself. If you really need to contribute something to charity, just make a cash donation ... whatever you do, don't let it become a priority over your health ...

[Eve]

Thank you :) I know I need to do something, my health and sanity is far more important and I really don't want to go back there as it took me so long and was so hard to get better last time.

Challenge 1 is to get out of it. There's a lady who does pastoral stuff at work so will go and speak to her tomorrow.

Challenge 2 is to try and cope with weightloss madness decending in earnest.

Thank you all for your support xxx

[raysparx1]

Hi jenna,

Please,please,please, don't ever go back on the road to destruction Jenna,you know how dangerous and dark that road is,stay on the brightly lit road,once you turn off the off onto a dark road it is very hard to find your way back, if you want to talk Jenna please e-mail me I will always reply,you are one of the nicest people on this site and one of the most sensible,so give yourself some of your own good advice,take care Jenna xxx

[email protected]

[daisy48]

Jenna, Charity begins at home so be kind to yourself. x

[Eve]

Thank you both.

Funnily enough I had a call today from a charity i'm involved in asking me if I can help out with some things they have coming up so I'm going to try and help them out as much as I can so I will be doing something.

I've also decided that I am going to try and find a counselling service for people with eating disorders and to deal with rape and other issues as well which is a big step for me. I've always been scared of dredging everything up again but think it's time to give it a try as it's really scared me this time.

[raysparx1]

Good luck Jenna,

We don't want you being ill, we depend on you to talk sense and keep us in order, hope it works for you, Ray XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[daisy48]

The charity work sound's like a great idea Jenna. I hope you find a good counceller to help you face your demons. Group support helps as well. Good luck. x

[spurslady]

Hi Jenna please please try not to go back to it. Those sites should be closed down. Do you still live in our hometown?
If so I'm just trying to think of the places you could go to there for a little bit of support. There is somewhere near the school your god father works at near the church if that's any help. I don't want to write it down because it will show everyone on here where you are from.

If ever you feel yourself slipping though just come on here you know there will always be someone to chat too no matter what time of day post any type of question even if its complete nonsense!

If you are on MSN later i will send you the link to the website I was looking at.