Can't afford a baby

[jababe]

Hi I'm at that time in my life where I would love to have a baby. My boyfriend says he is ready but is adament we can't afford it for at least another 3 years when he has paid of his debts. I am really sad about this because the debt he has is what his ex wife left him with when they split up. Does anyone have any advice on how we can get around this. I'm 29 and don't want to have to wait to long. Thanks.

[black bunny]

Jababe, your boyfriend sounds extremely sensible to want to clear his debts, and you should be pleased he is being so responsible as to want to give any child you have together the best start in life.
3 years is not so long, so celebrate the fact that you have such a great boyfriend, now go give him a hug, tell him he's wonderful and will make a great dad!

[jababe]

Oh I forgot to mention that he has two kids from his marriage.....Thank you for your lovely words though.

[Spitfire30]

Black bunny's right. Your partner is being financially responsible - a tremendous quality in a dad and partner. And please don't worry about the time factor - my wife had all our kids in her 30s.
All the best!

[bubblegum-31]

i dont mean to sound negative but to be honest IS THERE EVER A RIGHT TIME TO HAVE A BABY?
I mean, maybe in a couple of yrs time there will b something else that will crop up, u dont need to be rich to bring a baby into the world, yes its lovely to have money behind you and be debt free i can see his point there but isnt love and affection enough to have a child, was he debt free before he had his other children? i doubt it, i dont think anyone is ever debt free, sorry maybe its not what you want to hear, but i really do sympathise with you and i do hope you have the child you long for very soon
good luck

[jababe]

I think his point is that if I was to give up work we wouldn't be able to pay the bills.

[burt one]

when i first found out i was pregnant a few years ago my husband said "oh my god we can't afford a baby" we went through all the trauma of should we continue with the pregnancy as we wanted to be responsible parents but we decided that we would manage somehow! we never got that chance to find out if we would manage as i had a misscarriage at 14 weeks!
We learn't the hard way that Money means NOTHING!
we have a little girl now and no matter how brassed we are at times, we smile and ALWAYS find a way round! as you would!
as they say "there's more to life than money"

[bubblegum-31]

i agree with the above message and im so sorry to hear about you losing your child, i have four children and im a stay at home mum until my two year old goes to school then i will look for a part time job and my husband works and although we are nooooooooo where near well off the kids never go without and we always manage and besides we are alot happier having a family with the fun and enjoyment that children bring than living on our own. i wouldnt change a thing in my life, children complete your life and nothing can beat that

[Sparkles3]

I agree with what everyone says here, in that it is great to be in a good financial position when you have children as it makes things a little easier in what can be a difficult time adjusting to the new responsibilities and sleepless nights - money worries only add to that. However, there are lots of ways to cut corners with kitting out for a baby, so many second hand baby things are like new. You also don't know how easily you will fall pregnant - took me about 3 years with my first due to fertility issues - and although 29 isn't old by any means, time does march on! What's most important though, is that you both agree so keep communicating!

[jababe]

Thank you everyone for your comments. I do understand my boyfriends point of view. When he had his 2nd child with his ex wife (6 years old now) they had no money and lived in a pokey flat in a bad area. I think he just wants the best for his next one. I have also had problems with debt and don't want to go down that road again. I'm starting to think that maybe he is right in waiting til we are financially stable. I'll just have to settle for being step mum a little while longer. :-)

[WendyS]

I do think your boyfriend is being very sensible in wanting to clear his debts first, especially as he already has two children from a former marriage for whom he is financially responsible. Hard though it is to accept , they do have a prior claim on his finances than any child yet to be born, and as their father, he can't walk away from these responsibilities. I am sure that when his next child comes along he will want to rear it in an atmosphere of financial security without the added stresses of worrying about debt. Time to be patient I think, and try and save as much money as you can in the meantime to take the pressure off him.