My boyfriend is unhappy :-(

[Presario]

I need some advice. My boyfriend has absolutely no confidence in himself, to the point of saying things like "I'd be better off if someone put a bullet in me". I know it sounds really melodramatic but I am so concerned that he is going to do something stupid. He thinks he is ugly and a rubbish boyfriend but he isn't at all! He is gorgeous and I love him to bits. He is a fantastic bloke and he treats me golden. I really need to know how to make him feel happier about himself and like himself more??!!! I'm always telling him how much I love him, how gorgeous I think he is. I tell him how much I appreciate all the things he does for me and that he is a brilliant boyfriend, but he still thinks he is cr4p!!!! Any ideas how I can help him feel better and happier?!

[boro1986]

Well i think he needs to get a grip just he just say these things so you tell him how wondweful he is!!!! He maybe needs to go and see a doctor

[noxlumos]

Anything in his past that's given him and underlying sense of low self esteem at all? Abuse of any kind, bullying, depression, weight or looks issues, deranged ex partners, lack of cheievment, bad career or school experience can all do this to people and to cure it you need to get to the underlying cause.If there is one and you unravel it, he'll feel so much better about himself. Alternatively Boro may be right, there are some pople who "fish" for sympathy. You have to judge which he is.

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, seems to me that he has done something wrong. Maybe cheated on you or something. If not, then maybe he is mentally unstable. Is there any genetic resemblance in his family? Are any of his family like this? This is usually female behaviour, especially at this time of year near christmas. I think you should sit down with him and try to discuss what he thinks his issues are. If he cant talk to you, then suggest he go see his doctor on his own...

[WendyS]

I tend to agreed with noxlumos that there could be issues in his past that are causing this loss of self-esteem. Is he over-shadowed by a more clever intelligent older sibling? Did he fail exams at school or was he bullied and so tried to be as self-effacing as possible to avoid standing out?
Encourage him to attend some kind of assertiveness/self confidence course at evening classes and don't be too patient with him when he continually harps on about how "rubbish" he is. Tell him quite strongly that it's now gone on long enough to sound like "self pity". Reiterate that you think the world of him but you're getting fed up with it and if he continues to not to believe in himself, you will take him at his word about being worthless and look for somebody who believes in themself.

[MrBen5]

Hmmm, i disagree slightly with Wendy. Whatever you do, dont tell him you are gonna look for someone else as this will only add to the problems. Maybe your mother cuddling him too much. You need to sit and have a serious chat and discuss why he feels like he does. Chances are, he has something troubling him, mentally. Obviously, you can only try so much, so if it doesnt improve, just bag him off. Dont threaten to do it though, just actually do it...

[jno]

sounds like he may be clinically depressed, in which case he should see a doctor - TLC alone probably won't cure it if this is the diagnosis.

[Presario]

Thanks for your advice guys, I know he was treated quite badly by an ex in the past, I think she was quite unkind about the way he looked and the kind of guy he was. I won't be "getting rid of him" because of this,as even if this is depression people get through it with the right help. I love him to bits so will be standing by him. I have already suggested he see a doctor about how down he is, he is not too keen but I guess I will keep talking about it with him :-)