I feel im such a failure

[kitten_uk2]

Hi, i dont know if this is the right place for this question/moan. i just need some reasurance.
i have a son who is 28 months, and to me he seems a little behind against some kids his age (im always comparing to his cousin who will be 3 in feb)
Declan- my son, is still in nappies, but his cousin has been toilet trained for nearly a year.
Declan doesnt talk much apart from the odd word, you could ask him if he wanted grass for his tea and he would answer yes, he just doesnt understand like his cousin would, so asking him does he need the toilet would be out the question.
Im still giving him a bottle, i feel so bad about this and i have tried, we have at least 6 beakers in the house but he just isnt interested, i tried for 4 days to get him onto a beaker he cried for hours, i just couldnt cope and gave in, and gave him a bottle to sleep on.
i feel im such a failure as a parent, and i get so mad and upset that my child isnt like all the others, people look at me in disgust when i give him his bottle and they see me with nappes for him.
sorry about the moan,,,, i just feel so silly.

[nolnah]

I really felt for you, when I read your mail. I used to compare all the time and I can only say try not to compare. I am also a mother of one. Like you I have compared by daughter to my sisters daughter. Her child really communicates well, mine doesnt, but I know another child who woudl knock spots of a 4 year old mine and he is only 3. All kids but all different So I would say just do what is right for your little one and stop comparing. He is only 2.5 so still a baby. People who look at you in disgust, are not worth bothering about .How dare they. You love him, care for him so why the disgust? It would be disgusting if you had been forcing him to drink from the bottle and he was really getting tramautised.
He is his own person and will soon catch up I am sure.
It is hard enough without putting pressure on yourself.
Before you know it he will be impressing you.

[nolnah]

Oh I forgot. A good tip on the bottles is keep milk only in bottles and give him juice from a cup. So if he wants juice or anything other from milk he will have to use his cup or go without!

[kitten_uk2]

Thanx for yor quick reply, he only drinks water or milk, for some reason if its not clear or white he wont drink it. he doesnt like juice either. and wont drink out a cup

[spudqueen]

Please, please don't compare your child with other children. They all develop at different rates, but they all get there in the end. How many 16 year olds do you know still in nappes, drinking out of beakers etc etc!!!!
They are all individuals and have their own happy medium. Don't be competitive, it won't do your son any good at all. Let him be himself.
When my son was two years old there was a little girl the same age at Toddlers who was having real conversations, (my son was just about coping with stringing words together), was potty trained (my son was no where near ready) etc etc etc. But my son could drink out of a proper cup whilst this little girl was still drinking out of a lidded cup! Mind you by the time they started school they were at the same stage and I don't think it mattered at all that she was potty trained before my son!
Just enjoy your son for who he is and take pride in him when he does something for the first time, even if it is later than his cousin.

[888sally888]

You sound like a perfectly good mother to me!! Everyone else is right - dont compare your child to any others. All children are different and develop at different rates.

Believe me - by the time they are about 5 they all level out. I used to hate those mothers who crowed about how wonderful their children were.

Needless to say the worst one has a son who is 14 and a real handful - rude and arrogant. And my daughter? Wonderful!!

[andy-hughes]

Just to add to the wisdom already imparted - it is a perfectly natural reaction to check out your son's development against his peer group, but it is futile, and will only give you stress.

Children are individuals, and all develop individually. Deveopment is a natural process, not a race, and there is no prize at the end.

If you are worried about his potty training and rinking, stick your head round the local primary school year One class door - how many cyhildren are bottle fed and in nappies? None! They all get there eventually.

Boys' speech develops more slowly than girls, that's just a simple fact, so he will come to it in a rush, and you'll be wondering why you didn't enjoy the peace when you had it!

All joking apart, children are a miracle of nature, and their differing development rates are down to a bewlidering variety of circumstances - but parents are way down the list. It is as pointless fretting about your son's development as it is for others to boast about theirs being quicker - these are babies, not hothouse tomatoes!

Take it seasy, stop streeing yourself, and enjoy watching your little one discover the world at his own pace. If you are still worrying, have a chat with your health visitor, to set your mind at rest.

[HJT40]

I was in nappies until I was 5, just before I went to school, I was happy in them apparently! My brother was out of his as soon as he could, he had a dummy til he was 7 and I threw mine away alot younger. I learnt to read and write relatively young and he is artistic and his writing is appaling. My daughter had a bottle at night for a long time, because it is what she liked. Don't feel a failure, you're not! That is what is great about us we are all different, it would be boring if we were all the same. Ignore those looks, I doubt if their life is perfect. Why let them spoil what you have with your lovely little boy, he sounds happy as he is. They grow up too fast, so take time and enjoy his ways, when he is 35 and a handsome, clever, and happy, he will have you to thank for being the bestest mum in the world.

[ganesh]

I agree with all the above answers BUT..
Your confidence is obviously low if you are saying all this,especially if you feel that other mums are looking at you in disgust. I don't see a problem with nappies,after all he's only just 2 and a bit,but it's nice to have him potty trained by 3 because of nursery schools and things,so you should persevere with the potty training,take it around with you everywhere and take the nappies off,and put trainer pants on.
I agree with nolnah,just keep the bottle for the night-time milk,and persevere with the trainer beakers during the day.
If you can get these two little things sorted you will feel so much more confident .
And stop comparing progress-i'ts bad enough when they get to school and have to start competing.Enjoy the pre-school years,it all goes too quickly.
Good luck.

[Sparkles3]

I agree with everyone else in that all children develop at different rates. However, If you are feeling really concerned, perhaps it is worth going to see your health visitor and talking through your feelings and concerns to put your mind at rest. That's what they are there for. If she is concerned, then she can advise you on developmental activities or refer you if necessary. Although I'm sure there's nothing to worry about :-)
Look after yourself, don't get down with it, as you are clearly not a failure, but I worry that you might be taking it all too personally, focusing on what he can't do rather than what he can and potentially making yourself ill through the worry. Big hug to you both!

[bubblegum-31]

first of all i want to say i think you sound like a lovely mother and you wouldnt be worrying so much if you werent.
i have four children and believe me every mother goes through this. my youngest son who is now 7 was always a little slower than other kids his age and i knew it but no one ever listened to me until it got to him being almost ready for school then finally the health visitor listened, he had a speech problem and was referred to a speech therapist once a week and then onto a special school for two years which made him speak great and now thankfully he is doing very well in a mainstream school, if you think your child has a speech problem then please please keep on at your health visitor until they listen to you and they will get your child the help he needs, but, im not saying he does have a speech problem he just sounds very similar to my son at that age. my son was also very very late coming out of nappies and even when he did he always pooed his pants lol its hard work so i really do sympathise with you. have you tried letting him drink through a straw? i always found that a good way to get my kids off their bottles and onto a cup and they think its good fun too.
my youngest is two at the moment and she is still in nappies but i often let her run around the house through the day without a nappy on and she goes to the potty but i havent risked her going outside yet without a nappy. everyone of my kids have came out of nappies at different times some of them were 2 and some 3.
i really dont think you should worry as honestly he will come out them soon enough, even try doing a wall chart for going to the potty and give him a star on the chart whenever he goes on the potty and really praise him and tell him once he gets so many stars he will get a surprise.
i hope everything works out for you, good luck and continue being the good mum that you are!!!

[cattychrissy]

You really shouldn't worry - all I did to potty train my son was leave a potty lying around - when he was 3 he just started using it and within 3 days he had completely trained himself with no fuss or tears. I have never had a wet bed. A friend of mine decided to forcibly train her son at 2 years and I witnessed him running around the house naked with p**h hanging out of him and unknowingly smearing it every where! He was still wetting the bed at 7 years! My son did not walk til he was 15 months old and has just had trials for the county cricket squad! He hardly spoke at 2 years opld and is now in the top group at secondary school . All children develop differently and reach their own level. The most important thing is not to put pressure on him and relax and enjoy these years because when they start getting independent and stroppy you want some happy memories to keep you going!

[mollymandy]

Your child is very special especially to you , get a scrap book and start noting all the positive things he does , stop worrying about things that dont need worrying about . Take him out to the park , show him the autum leaves and appreciate every little thing he does , every time he sees a colour , every time he smiles . Take lots and lots of photos vidio record him and watch it when he is eighteen ( that will be tomorrow , honest time flies ) stop worrying he will be any thing he wants to be , when he is ready , stop rushing him , let him see the world in his own time but most of all love him , love him with every bone in your body . Enjoy it

[miacat]

Isn't it fantastic that there is a site like this where we can share our rants, moans, worries etc. You sound like a wonderful mother and your little one will be just fine!

[david2941]

Dont W orry What everyone says is true I am like you but just enjoy your child for what he is enjoy every day ..my son is still in nappies never looked at the pottie but we moved him straight to the toilet with one of the small seats 60% success rate with talking spend time with books going over and over the repetive of the book he will join in .Ewan never drinks out of cups he likes sport bottles try your son on a waterbottle with sports cap .Just remember you are not a failer 2 yearolds are too busy with life to go to the toilet, Drink, and eat but they will not go hungrey .Enjoy your son