PTSD after husbands affair??

[Otrere]

6 months ago, my husband had a brief affair. We're back together and we're working through things are they are going really well, but that is not the issue here.

I've started to have vivid bad dreams. The other night I dreamed that he & I had been going though a bad patch (like after his affair) and we were sorting things - he promised me he wouldn't do it again but for a while he and I were sleeping in separate rooms. I got up one morning and decided I was going to sneak in bed with him, so I crept into his room and there he was with some girl and they were both laying there naked and all flushed and sweaty from doing it. I said "You've just had a sh*g haven't you?" and he says "Yeah" (almost as if to say, "what are you going to do about it?") - I got this girl and smacked seven bells out of her cause I was so angry and hurt. But she didn't care - she was so smug that she'd got him and I hadn't and she reckoned he'd stay with her."

I woke up crying - I know it was only a dream but I guess it goes to show how much what he did affected me.

Counsellor reckons me smacking seven bells out of her was my brain doing in my dream what I'd really liked to do to her.

Then last night I dreamed that he had married someone else at the same time as me and they had 3yo twin girls - but cause he had wed her after me then their marriage didn't count.

On another forum someone thinks I might be suffering with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) as it can occur months after the event. I keep getting flashbacks of things that happened and starting to have bad dreams. Could this be PTSD? Will it get better? Is counselling the best way forward?

[spurslady]

You poor thing you have had a terrible time. Sounds like it to me that you are suffering from sort of delayed reaction. The seeds of doubt have been sown in your mind from his misdemeanor and they are starting to grow and make you subconsciously doubt everything that you have together.

But as long as you know what you want in reality and things are going well together then that is the thing you need to focus on.

Try the counselling it may help you slowly get over it, don't try and rush it as you have suffered a big blow and your mind and heart need time to recover.
I hope things work out well for you, good luck for the future.

[Otrere]

Thank you.

Something else I should have mentioned, I was 31 weeks pregnant at the time (when I found out what he was up to). He left for 4 days then came back. And when he told her it was over she made threats against our lives (we have a small daughter too) and we had to go into hiding for a while. I guess this may have contributed to what I am now suffering?

[jimbob860]

Otrere,

I have to start by saying i am by no means an expert in this but.......Did you actually witness any of the scenes that have been played out in your dreams. If the answer is no then it probably isn't PTSD.
It sounds to me as if your counsellor is spot on and you are fullfilling through dreams what you cannot achieve in real life.
It seems to me that counselling is the best way but that you need some form of couples counselling, are you attending counselling with your husband?

[Otrere]

I didn't actually witness any of the scenes I see in my dreams, but they are actual things that happened that I get in the flashbacks. Which I guess they would be.

My husband doesn't agree with counselling unfortunately. He doesn't like people trying to tell him what is going on in his head. Calls them "interfering busybodies" and says we will sort things out between us. I am going to counselling mainly to help rebuild my self confidence but counsellor thinks I am expecting too much of myself at such an early stage.

[bollie]

oh sweetheart, i think you need to take into account what spurslady is saying, youve got a counseller, so i hope you can keep working through it, remember what you are fighting for,
He is with you, he chose to be with you,****** everything else, youve got him,& your children, what has she got?
Good luck, dont let some nasty bitch ruin what you have X

[spurslady]

Bless you it couldn't have happened at a worse time, Your hormones would have been all over the place it was a time when you should have been looking forward to the birth of your new baby but you had too go through all that turmoil.

You do what is right for YOU, your husband no matter what he thinks of 'Busy bodies' has no right to tell you how to sort out your feelings. He is the one who has put you in this vulnerable position so he should respect your wishes and allow you to do what you think is right.

As I said before I really wish you all the best for the future.