Sexually Abused

[missy1981]

Have no idea where to post this question on here, or where to even start to look on the net... I was sexually abused when I was 9 years old by my brother's dad. He wasnt my step dad, he was with my mum or a good ew years and they had a son together. Anyway, to cut it all short.... He is now in prison for doing the same thing to other girls, he was only sentenced last year (I think), I'm now 25! I played no part in it as I was told by the CPS when i was younger that they couldnt do anything due to lack of evidence, so they let him go. Because of that, i had to move, start all over again and have my name changed. He was a very dangerous and violent man and my mum feared for mine, my sisters and my brothers safety....
Anyway, as i said Im now 25, and only really come to terms with it all.... I've written him a letter that i really want to send to him. Its basically reminding him what he did to me and how ive moved on and he no longer has a hold over me. i've left no phone number or address, i just needed to write this letter and i want him to read it, to let him know what he did to me... call it a kind of therapy i suppose.... Well, i have no idea what prison he is in... i know it may seem silly, but its important to me.. How do i go about finding out where he is/what prison he is in???... Thanks for listening xxx

[seatrout]

You have obviously been through an appalling experience but I dont think that writing to this man is the answer. Sexual abuse is more to do with power and control than sexual gratification so I doubt if your letter will make him feel remorse it may simply show him that he still has control over you.

The position with the Police and CPS and how they deal with cases like these has changed enormously over the years and you may find they are now more sympathetic to your experience.

I get the impression that your first concern is to sort out your feelings emotions etc for your own well being and there are lots of organisations out there who can be of help. I know this wasnt the advice you were looking for but I would be wary of writing to him - these people are very clever and convincing and manipulative and I just dont think its worth the risk

[Yorkie580]

I would definitely contact your local police. In London, the Child Protection Teams (now called Child Abuse Investigation teams) deal with matters like this all the time and are very willing to offer support and to deal with the offences.

[NORMANTHEDOG]

i doubt very much that even if you found out what prison he was in that they would give him the letter as it would have no address etc on it,all letters are read and vetted by prison staff before the prisoner gets it,so i think he would not receive it

[dukas68]

Feel for you mate, as someone who was abused as a child( actually by a female ) I know what your going through..................

[mullein3]

Hi missy 1981, I must concur with most of the answers you have receieved. First of all you believe that by sending a letter somehow that will make the abuser empathise with what he did to you, well it might make you feel better but he wont give a damn. Offenders like this are abusers because it is all about their own sexual gratification and no thoughts or feelings of the abused, because if he had he would not of done it in the first place.
I suspect that you could do with councelling to help you deal with your thoughts and emotions and I beleive that there are self help groups out there who can help you to deal with the psychological trauma you have suffered. If you were to contact your local police and speak to their family protection unit, they could guide you to where to seek support with some local organisations. You could even write to the department to receive this information.
In life people suffer from a variety of different experiences, good, bad and indifferent. You have experience of being abused which is horrible, but life goes on. Dont 'beat yourself up', about whats happened to you, you need to deal with it, close the door, and move on.

[missy1981]

Hello all, thank you all for your help, advice and comments. All of them was taken on board. I have done the letter, but have not sent it. To track him down to a prison i have to give my details etc and im not willing to put myself or my family at risk like that. I have registered with online support groups and with much talking to my partner and my mum, i am going to give counselling another shot. I'm alot older now then the other time i went through counselling. I am also going to print the letter off, go back to the town where it happened and to the estate i lived on and 'bury my demons'. Sounds very odd i know, but i know what i mean and getting at... Thankyou all again, you have all been a great help xxx