When can a child decide who to live with

[cattychrissy]

My son is 12 and I have residency/custody whatever you call it. I have remarried and my son adores his Stepfather - we live in a lovely market town in Oxfordshire where he can safely wander about on his own or with his friends. If anything happened to me can he be forced to live with his Father in a London suburb which he would hate? And if he was allowed to stay in the family home with his stepfather would his Father have to pay the child support to his stepfather?

[mrs_overall]

With cases of residence orders, the law is that from March 2005 a child age 9 yrs or over has a large say in who they want to live with. Given your son's age, I can't image any Family Court making him live with his dad if it was against his wishes. A friend of mine had a similar concern (she wanted her child to live with her sister if anything was to happen to her) and if I remember correctly she stipulated the fact in her will. I'm not sure what the law is regarding the CSA. I'd advise you to look into it for your own peace of mind, but I wish you a long and happy life!

[cattychrissy]

That sounds very reassuring thank you! The CSA aren't invoved thankfully - a Court Order was drawn up 10 years ago which his Dad has faithfully abided by so far. I just don't know what he'd do if he thought that he would have the opportunity to stop paying - he pays quite a lot - +�500/month - and would probably be pleased not to have to!

[JudgeJ]

Children over the age of thirteen can decide with whom they wish to live.

This arrangement was introduced to give children a greater say in their upbringing in the event that their parents split up. However, as with most badly thought out laws it has unintended consequences. It means they can in fact live with anybody they choose � it does not have to be one of their parents or even a relative.

A recently highlighted case demonstrated the folly of this thoroughly ridiculous legislation. A girl of thirteen had chosen to live with an unrelated man in his thirties. Her parents, not surprisingly out of their minds with worry, attempted to forcibly remove her from the accommodation she was sharing with her �friend� and were promptly threatened with arrest. Upon their arrival the police explained that there was nothing that they or the parents could do to force the child to return to their care or to stop her living with a man more than twice her age. Any action taken to do so would be illegal.

Meanwhile the local authority is considering launching a prosecution against the parents for failing to ensure their daughter attendance at school.

[cattychrissy]

I remember reading about that case and thinking how stupid the law is. I also think I remember reading that the girl eventually went home after an ordeal which was so unspeakable that she won't talk about it even to her Mother. I truly despair of the world today and think that I was very irresponsible and selfish to have a child in the first place.