Quizzes & Puzzles2 mins ago
Hoarding stuff - Why?
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I know a lovely man who lives alone. He is a very sociable, friendly man with a small circle of close friends and a much wider circle of aquaintances. He's not a reclusive type, although a bit shy until you know him.
My question concerns his seeming inability to throw anything away. He keeps absolutely everything, and the resulting chaos means he can never find anything when he wants it. Surely he would be better throwing away, giving to charity, or selling stuff that has no sentimental value or that he will never find a use for? He agrees this makes sense but still can't bring himself to do it! Does anyone have any ideas how I can encourage him to face this and actually do something? I've offered to help him when he's ready as I can appreciate it may be the thought of the size of the problem to be tackled that's putting him off. I've pointed out gently 'wouldn't it be lovely to be able to put your hand on something immediately when you want it instead of having to wait for it to turn up when you're looking for something else?' He agrees, but still can't make a start. I really don't want to nag but it's hard when to me the solution is so simple and within easy reach. I'd do it on my own if he'd let me!
My question concerns his seeming inability to throw anything away. He keeps absolutely everything, and the resulting chaos means he can never find anything when he wants it. Surely he would be better throwing away, giving to charity, or selling stuff that has no sentimental value or that he will never find a use for? He agrees this makes sense but still can't bring himself to do it! Does anyone have any ideas how I can encourage him to face this and actually do something? I've offered to help him when he's ready as I can appreciate it may be the thought of the size of the problem to be tackled that's putting him off. I've pointed out gently 'wouldn't it be lovely to be able to put your hand on something immediately when you want it instead of having to wait for it to turn up when you're looking for something else?' He agrees, but still can't make a start. I really don't want to nag but it's hard when to me the solution is so simple and within easy reach. I'd do it on my own if he'd let me!
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I think that the "hoarding" behaviour is type of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, a respons to stress or unwelcome thoughts that we all experience at some time, but for certqin individuals it becomes a lifelong cycle.
I am no expert, save that of seeing symptoms in myself and others, and think that with care and expert help the cycle can be broken, and the sufferer returned to a less stressed and unusual lifestyle.
See http://www.ocduk.org for some more helpful hints. Good luck with your friend, and be gentle.
I am no expert, save that of seeing symptoms in myself and others, and think that with care and expert help the cycle can be broken, and the sufferer returned to a less stressed and unusual lifestyle.
See http://www.ocduk.org for some more helpful hints. Good luck with your friend, and be gentle.
Hmmm, these are all his personal belongings. He certainly isnt gonna let you root through his stuff. The reason he keeps everything is because he doesnt have a woman to keep him in touch. I am similar, but not to that extreme where i cant find anything. I tend to just throw everything in one go if my sister comes round or summat or if i am in the mood. How come it bothers you so much anyway? are you after getting into him?
the point is its actually none of your business, if he wants to hoard loads of stuff then thats up to him. why would you want to change his lifestyle when hes probably perfectly happy doing what hes doing.everybody is differrent in this life. and hes probably quite happy in what hes doing. live and let live is what i say. and when he dies the council will clear it all away for him. just accept him for what he is and let him do just what he wants to do.
My wife, who is wonderful and beautiful and charming and all of the other great things in a person, is a terrible hoarding, untidy mare. I love her for who she is, wouldn't dream of trying to change her despite the fact that I'm a neat freak. Our house has bits of an old suit of armour, scripts, magazines, half finished never to be completeed tapestries, broken jewellery, old theatre props,masks, you name it and she's hoarded it, but this is who these people are, it's part of their personailty and you shouldn't try to make someone alter that.
Sometimes this behaviour, when extreme, can cause hazards to the sufferer and others. Here I quote from a recent article by David Townsend, London Fire Brigade Station Officer and a Fire Investigator.
"Hoarding (known also as 'cluttering') may be natural behaviour for many people. For example, collecting things, whether as a hobby (stamps, bottle tops etc.) or a precaution (old bills and wage slips) is very common.
"When it goes to extremes, however, it can generally be diagnosed as dementia, schizophrenia or obsessive hoarding.
"In 1947 two recluse brothers, Langley and Homer Collyer, were discovered dead in a large house in Harlem, New York, which they had shared for many years. The house was filled with 136 tons of goods and junk.
"Tunnels had been created for the brothers to move between rooms. Troubled by intruders, Langley had set booby traps that would bring tons of junk on top of any victim. He apparently became a victim to his own trap and died under the pile.
"Homer, who had become bedridden and dependent on Langley, died of starvation. The building was condemned as a Health and fire hazard and razed to the ground."
Being an out of control hoarder can lead to Public Health hazards when vermin infest the piles of, what we would call waste. I think it is quite in order to note eccentric behaviour and do nothing, but we have a duty to our fellows to prevent harm. Often this is an ill defined line to cross, but better to be called nosey than have bad consequences of neglect haunt one for life.
"Hoarding (known also as 'cluttering') may be natural behaviour for many people. For example, collecting things, whether as a hobby (stamps, bottle tops etc.) or a precaution (old bills and wage slips) is very common.
"When it goes to extremes, however, it can generally be diagnosed as dementia, schizophrenia or obsessive hoarding.
"In 1947 two recluse brothers, Langley and Homer Collyer, were discovered dead in a large house in Harlem, New York, which they had shared for many years. The house was filled with 136 tons of goods and junk.
"Tunnels had been created for the brothers to move between rooms. Troubled by intruders, Langley had set booby traps that would bring tons of junk on top of any victim. He apparently became a victim to his own trap and died under the pile.
"Homer, who had become bedridden and dependent on Langley, died of starvation. The building was condemned as a Health and fire hazard and razed to the ground."
Being an out of control hoarder can lead to Public Health hazards when vermin infest the piles of, what we would call waste. I think it is quite in order to note eccentric behaviour and do nothing, but we have a duty to our fellows to prevent harm. Often this is an ill defined line to cross, but better to be called nosey than have bad consequences of neglect haunt one for life.
i am a bit like this.
as nox says, it may not be an OCD, it may well be a creative streak, my house is full of oddments, bits and pieces, material, clothes, props etc - but then that is my job, - i design film and tv sets etc - and if i remember rightly mrs nox is in a similar line of work, so its understandable.
my dad also owns a huge second hand shop, so its sort of a family trait in a way
i always see the potential in things that to others looks like junk.
i also know that the second i bin something, i will need it for a job or i will just discover a use for it.
i know it seems hard to understand to you, but as has been mentioned - its not your business.
my problem is not that theres too much stuff (though there is) its that there is nowhere decent to store it.
why not suggest to him that he gets some extra storage space? utilise high ceilings etc put shelves up etc
in terms of helping, I allowed my brother to help me sort some stuff out once, that i had left in my parents garage, and he started my just grabbing handfuls and throwing it in the back of a van to go to the tip - i had to tell him to go.
the problem with someone helping, is the fear that all they will do with everything you want to keep, they will sneer and roll their eyes and demand to know why you want to keep it etc, and they will not understand your reason no matter what it is.
if would suggest just leaving him alone until he asks but if you do want to help offer to help him construct some shelving or something, and offer to help put everything on the shelves or in boxes - don't try to bin things,
(of course if he is keeping stuff like garbage, and empty toothpaste tubes etc then its probably an OCD)
as nox says, it may not be an OCD, it may well be a creative streak, my house is full of oddments, bits and pieces, material, clothes, props etc - but then that is my job, - i design film and tv sets etc - and if i remember rightly mrs nox is in a similar line of work, so its understandable.
my dad also owns a huge second hand shop, so its sort of a family trait in a way
i always see the potential in things that to others looks like junk.
i also know that the second i bin something, i will need it for a job or i will just discover a use for it.
i know it seems hard to understand to you, but as has been mentioned - its not your business.
my problem is not that theres too much stuff (though there is) its that there is nowhere decent to store it.
why not suggest to him that he gets some extra storage space? utilise high ceilings etc put shelves up etc
in terms of helping, I allowed my brother to help me sort some stuff out once, that i had left in my parents garage, and he started my just grabbing handfuls and throwing it in the back of a van to go to the tip - i had to tell him to go.
the problem with someone helping, is the fear that all they will do with everything you want to keep, they will sneer and roll their eyes and demand to know why you want to keep it etc, and they will not understand your reason no matter what it is.
if would suggest just leaving him alone until he asks but if you do want to help offer to help him construct some shelving or something, and offer to help put everything on the shelves or in boxes - don't try to bin things,
(of course if he is keeping stuff like garbage, and empty toothpaste tubes etc then its probably an OCD)
Can you get him to accept mental health treatment? That is the only thing that helps them they say.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compulsive_hoardi ng
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compulsive_hoardi ng
Thanks for all your answers. Now there's quite a lot of things to address, following on from them....I think Hippy is nearest to the mark. My friend was under a lot of stress a number of years ago with various things and although things are 100% better now (his words) I think he still doesn't feel ready to face a sort out yet. Which is why I'm not pushing this - I'm only offering my physical help as it's a daunting task he faces. I'm well aware that this is a delicate matter and I'm wanting to understand it and not cause any more stress to him in any way.
Mr Ben & tomtech - I appreciate that its his lifestyle but I know it doesn't make him happy. He gets really bothered and frustrated when he can't find something, and so I think 'surely he'd be happier to be more organised and be able to put his hands on something straight away'. I have no intention of throwing anything away - as you rightly pointed out - its not my stuff or my business. I'm just a friend who wants to make his life easier. I'd like to just help with sorting stuff into a more compact area - which will then give him a bit of space to spread out the things he uses on a daily basis and make things more accessable.
The last thing I want to do is change him - I've known him for nearly 5 years now and I'm one of the very few people invited around to his house. I think this is because I've never judged him by how his house is and he knows he can be comfortable with me. I accept him as he is. If I thought he was happy to be this way I'd never say a word, but I don't get the feeling that's the case. I've seen him put off having others around, and I know he'd love to invite his family and close friends around more but he's embarrassed by the state of his house. That's why I want to help if I can.
BBWCHAT - I think he's far from needing mental health treatment, he just needs to keep his stuff around him. Perhaps as security?
Mr Ben & tomtech - I appreciate that its his lifestyle but I know it doesn't make him happy. He gets really bothered and frustrated when he can't find something, and so I think 'surely he'd be happier to be more organised and be able to put his hands on something straight away'. I have no intention of throwing anything away - as you rightly pointed out - its not my stuff or my business. I'm just a friend who wants to make his life easier. I'd like to just help with sorting stuff into a more compact area - which will then give him a bit of space to spread out the things he uses on a daily basis and make things more accessable.
The last thing I want to do is change him - I've known him for nearly 5 years now and I'm one of the very few people invited around to his house. I think this is because I've never judged him by how his house is and he knows he can be comfortable with me. I accept him as he is. If I thought he was happy to be this way I'd never say a word, but I don't get the feeling that's the case. I've seen him put off having others around, and I know he'd love to invite his family and close friends around more but he's embarrassed by the state of his house. That's why I want to help if I can.
BBWCHAT - I think he's far from needing mental health treatment, he just needs to keep his stuff around him. Perhaps as security?
chicklin honey - it isn't me who thinks the mental health help is required - it is the experts who say that "compulsive hoarders" - of which is obviously one - always have to have it to correct the problem. I am just an old lady who has lived a long time - and heard a lot of the experts discussing this type of situation - I am not educated in that field, so not really qualified to have an opinion myself:)
Good luck with helping him - whatever path you choose.
BBWCHATT
Good luck with helping him - whatever path you choose.
BBWCHATT
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